I know you are OK with divorce or reconciliation at this point, but just be cautious about MC interrupting your detachment. I know you say "hope for the best, expect the worst", but it is hard to want to save a marriage as badly as you do and not be affected by the glimmer of hope MC may provide.
It is a great step initiated by your W, which is positive, but in order not to get sucked in, expect her to blow it up somehow. Better yet, look at it as a desperate attempt by your W to win you back. YOU are gone. She is now required to earn you. She is going to have to put on one hell of a show to do that.
Be very skeptical. Not saying don't do your part or be uncooperative. But set a high bar for your wife. Because there's a lady out there somewhere who would never dream of treating you the way your wife has. Your wife now has to compete with HER.
Sorry to be a wet blanket, I'm just sharing how my detachment was disrupted, and it really sucked. Takes a while to get it back.
Since your wife isn't even treating you with politeness, I just worry that she is doing MC for show. I hope I am wrong.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
I wish you luck.. Just don't have any expectations.
my H went to two sessions and it was an all out b!tch session (about me) only until i was able to go solo, one on one, was I able to truly get the help that I needed.
I hope that it's a great session for you!
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
I wish you luck.. Just don't have any expectations.
my H went to two sessions and it was an all out b!tch session (about me) only until i was able to go solo, one on one, was I able to truly get the help that I needed.
I hope that it's a great session for you!
Thanks, THA
I don't have any expectations. From the time she agreed to go, I have wondered if she was going for the right reasons. I expect the worse, if anything.
Reguardless, it is a step in the right direction, and that is out of limbo. One way or another, this has to end.
I also know that one session won't solve anything. I hope it's a great session and I hope that we continue to go and start healing.
I know one session won't solve anything, BUT it's a start.. at least this will be wonderful for you and I hope it gives you the peace and closure that you need. xo
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
I know one session won't solve anything, BUT it's a start.. at least this will be wonderful for you and I hope it gives you the peace and closure that you need. xo
Well, at least I know she wasn't B.S.ing the councelor. I might post more when I have time, but last night was pretty....disapointing.
The jist of it was-yes, keeping the M and working on it was best, but the C said only she(W) could tell if she was done. To W's credit, she didn't say she wanted to save anything. She lost respect for me when I talked to her mom and dad. She wasn't having an affair, would not quit coaching and the school board, she had done nothing wrong. The C called her out on a few things and W agreed.
I told C that W wanted me to leave and would be happy if I left tonight. W didn't really say anything and C said, "but she's here. That has to mean something." I didn't get defensive and say what I was thinking-she's here to say she tried, now she can move on with a clear conscience.
C gave us a couple of communication exercises and asked if we would do them. We both said yes.
Anyway, the session lasted over 2 hours. I guess I was expecting more of a - saving the M is the most important thing in the world - type of dynamic. I know in the DR book it even says that all M can't be saved. I guess time will tell if it did any good. A lot was talked about and a lot of valid points were made. I don't mean that it was a total wash, but could have been better. Probably my expectations getting in the way.
It did help me detach more fully and maybe completely. She still lied or told half truths to the C. It didn't seem the place to get into a fight and be petty. I stood up for myself and admitted when I was wrong. It still seems like she is done. If this is truly the woman my W has become, I don't need or want her in my life.
I'll try to tell more later. From what I've said, is this a normal first MC session? Can't really tell right now if it was good or bad or indifferent. I'll wait and see. I'm okay however it turns out.
I'm sorry to hear it wasn't a complete success but it doesn't sound like a complete failure either.
You're right, Time.
We both got some things off of our chest. It was not a one sided bitchfest.
I have to be patient, strong and fully detach. Maybe this is a normal reaction for the WAW in MC. She was not "saying all the right things", but she wasn't being totally honest either. I know it would be tough to admit to certain things on your first visit. Even if she really wanted to save M, she wouldn't want to necessarily let me know that right now.
