I can talk a good game - I'm going to be better off, the future is bright, my marriage was flawed and I see it now, etc.
Presumably a lot of us are on this site because we believe what MWD wrote. Marriage is worth saving.
So to be clear - do I think that if XW came home things would be better?
No, not really. There's pain, there is anger, there are trust issues, there is work to be done on ourselves.
Do I think I would ultimately be comforted by her being home? I don't know. Would it be false? Was if false before? If so for how long? Ha, if you think ingorance is bliss, then what is knowledge? Certainly NOT bliss.
Let's face it - I've got a hard road without her, for healing and for all the family things. And I think it would be a hard road with her too. It wouldn't stop the hurting.
So, for this question, I think it's about what you believe. Do I believe that marraige and family is worth saving? Yeah I do.
And let's face this - I'm going to have to do the work anyway. Going to have to work at healing myself. And going to have to work at any future relationship.
Funny, my family of origin, who taught me these values, I think would see me as absoltely crazy if I took her back.
I don't know what it means if you do it and your heart's not in it. If you can't get over it. If you're not secure with her heart not being in it.
I have a hard time being in the same room with her now without feeling emotional. And you know, I think I've had a creeping feeling for awhile at the end of our marraige, that something wasn't right, we were slipping away, and I remember feeling sad and not knowing why. I think that I knew on an emotional level that the M wasn't everything that I wanted, but it's not something I allowed myself to see.
God CTH, I don't know. You know, this isn't an option available to me and thinking about it is going to drive me nuts.
On an emotional level - yes, I would take her wiping all this away. I think there's a part of me that wants that when I see her - say some word, see some crack, that will stop the pain. But she really doesn't have that power. It's not like she can decide to give or withhold, and she's just being cruel. She's hurting too. She is a limited human being too. And, you know, there are probably times that she has wanted that from me too. So. There's no magic wand, yeah. There's no solution.
