That is the thing though. It doesn't seem to be her. She made a comment like congratualations. Happy for you, but nothing changed on her wall/page. I don't know. I was just sick about it last night because the letter I wrote is out there. Either he got it yesterday or will today. Putting myself out there was so hard and now it kind of blew up in my face. I know it is good that I did it...HUGE step for me. Since my heart is breaking again, I suppose it healed alright before.
Nothing planned yet but I can't sit around moping.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
No, It is better to get it out and have my friends help than to hold it in. They got back Saturday. I talked with his Mom some over the weekend. He had posted some pics of Florida but nothing that would lead one to think anything was going on.
I wrote my letter Monday night after talking to a friend who said I should say what I want. Let him know why I am scared and why I backed off. So I did that in the context of girl met boy...Our whole story so he would get where I was coming from.
Tuesday after work, his daughter had posted pics including group pics. In one he is holding her hand.(college friend) Something really simple, maybe nothing but it hurt to see. I had already mailed my letter.
Wednesday after I get home I see on FB home page that he has changed his status to in a relationship but he isn't saying with who for the moment. I automatically assume it is her because they just got back from vacation. Several of his friends are asking who, but he isn't saying anything. Then college friend posts on his wall that she is happy for him and Congratulations. Me...I feel sick and am crying. I posted something which I thought sounded nice but this morning when I saw it, it felt wrong, so I deleted it.
The thing about her posting a comment made me think it wasn't her. Plus she hadn't changed her status or anything.
Thursday, I still feel sad but I don't know anything more. I am just confused. Help!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Assumptions, looking for answers before asking a question creates a stew of mucky proportions. And regardless of his answer, look at what your actions are telling you.
This week certainly I am an emotional mess. I need to not look for trouble but not be blind either. If he doesn't want me toss him overboard, because there are more fish in the sea. And gee, I am not such a bad catch myself.
Just have to believe those last 2 lines and I will be doing better.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
kat, I have so been where you are, I can so absolutely appreciate what you're feeling. I had sort of a regular cycle there for 6 months or so where I'd misinterpret, over-react, or just catastrophize myself into a completely insecure "I can't do this anymore!!" crisis. incredibly painful...but a learning experience. fortunately the recipient of my drama is an incredibly patient and understanding man...and we laugh about it now; hasn't happened since--oh, early January maybe? or late November? for me it was a lot of things triggering my major abandonment issues; what seems to have stopped the cycling is just a better understanding of myself, my needs, and accepting that it's okay to even HAVE needs. and there were some distinctly hormonal influences at time.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I have noticed that I have been really emotional(weeping at the drop of a hat,moody) just right before through right after that time each month. So guess where I am now. Yes over-reacting is part of this too.
hopefully we can get that fixed up at the appointment today. Even though I know it won't be immediate, it will help get me back to being normal.
No this isn't a pretty place to be. Very unlike me and on that you guys will just have to take my word on it. Yes my self esteem was way low for a long time but it has been getting back up there. This insecurity thing regarding the college friend took me for a real loop. Natural to compare but that should have been the end of it.
I don't know how much K felt the "drama" except when I just initially told him that I was backing off. I did address that in the letter. So I suppose it would still be a good thing for him to read. If nothing else it will clear the air on my side. I really do need to not assume the worst of every situation.
OT, can you still clarify. Thanks.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I am still very confused about what you know. I am seeing a lot of half-formed conclusions and assumptions and very little that actually resembles fact.
If you want to know what is or isn't going on, you should get it from the horse's mouth.
Sorry you have been caught in this cycle. Hang in there chica.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
let me just recommend my standard book rec: Journey from Abandonment to Healing, by Susan Anderson. If I've already mentioned it, I apologize. I really think this is what turned things around for me--understanding the process of grief and recovery from abandonment. working thru some of the exercises and even just being aware of the process and accepting it helped my insecurity tremendously. you know, there's no way we're NOT going to be insecure after getting dumped with our self-esteem in tatters. it's just the normal course of events. but how we respond to it--internally and externally--we have some control over if we have insight into the process.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
