I have a thread on Piecing, but I feel I need to start one here. I need some help. I am thinking of ending the M because H has not responded to anything since reconciliation 5 years ago. Now that I have health issues and really need him to be there in a more meaningful way, I am left feeling rather empty, emotionally. I don't feel his support.
It's over for me. I don't know how I am going to move forward, but I will be doing so. I thought I would write an email first, because these days I tend to bluster when discussing emotional things. An email will give me a chance to think before setting things down.
I have put an example email on me other thread. I will copy it to her as well.
Quote:
I need some advice! Lately, H has been dismissive, impatient and sometimes sharp in responses with me in conversation or when I ask him something. He has no interest in my life, what I am doing, etc. He has been doing this in front of friends now. I, of course, suspect he has OW. I am tired of it all. Of waiting for him to come around .... it's been 5 years of no change despite the fact that he said things would be better if we came here. I have wasted valuable time on someone who just doesn't care. I could've been doing something else, living a more authentic life without wishing things were different with him. Well, it's done now ... can't bring all that time back. I have to move forward, and I feel it is the right time now, to end this marriage. It's not a real marriage, anyway.
I'm not sure how to proceed. should I email him and lay it out. Or, should I wait until we have a chance to talk? In an email I can think about what I want to say, rather than blustering my way through conversation about the end of our M.
This is what I want to say:
"Dear H, five years ago, you begged me to stay your wife and said coming to this place would be a fresh start. You promised it would all be okay in our M, and that you loved me and wanted us to stay together as a family. You did all you could to get here, then once we were here, you backed off on any promises you made. I have waited patiently for you to be the man I hoped you could be. But, for me, you are not anymore. Maybe for another woman, you might start over and be that man, but I suspect things will start out well, and it will end up just like us because you refuse to change for anyone or even meet one halfway or discuss issues and problems. For me, you are no longer that team player and partner you once were.
So, what to do? I am no longer happy in this M. I haven't been in a very long time. Having the tumour made me initially not want to make any changes, but now when I think of all the wasted years, it makes me want to leave this miserable M and see what life I can make without you, emotionally. Financially and as parents we will always be tied, and I will try my best to lessen the first as much as possible once (I so hope) I get my new career going. You did promise to pay for my classes, but I won't hold you to that. I will try and pay for them out of alimony money. All of that side of the end of our M will have to be discussed and organised. But, I do not expect to leave a pauper, and do expect your children to still have an involved father. If there is another woman, I hope she doesn't take you away from the kids and grandkids. But, that will be up to you.
I am sorry it has come to this. I loved you passionately during our 24 year marriage, but now I just feel sad that I don't love you at all. I care about you as the father of our children, and as a dear friend that I hope we can become eventually. Too many lies and wasted opportunities to set things right, has left me untrusting, and suspicious. And that has killed the love I had. I regret it, but I doubt I can change it, nor if I want to. I just now want the opportunity to live a happy life with what time I have left, and I am hoping for many more years.
So, H, I wish you well. I wish you happiness and I think you will find it if you do some thinking and changing. You cannot live life always hiding from the people you say you love. I am sure none of this is a shock to you. I doubt you love me particularly .... I hope you care about me too .... but I have felt the lack of love and romance and it hurt, but it doesn't anymore. Twenty four years is a long time being together as a couple, so let's end it with dignity, showing the children how it can be done.
