And here I am .... H's MLC ....

[PEI]

PEI

First off cut yourself a little slack. This crap is hard.

Thanks. So hard.

I agree with the others that you used the sitch with the kids to allow you insecurities to show. Maybe you did subconciously maybe not. Either way, what is done is done.

Absolutely. First phone call was just an innocent call for help, after that the insecurity monster took over.

Your probably beating the shiznit out of yourself right now. Dont. Learn for it.

Yes I am. Ok. <deep breath> Will do.

Why do you feel insecure. This is the question that ONLY YOU can answer. The answer is somewhere in you.

So many reasons - a lot of which I outlined in my 'get real' post to Jack3Beans on page two of this sitch (#2010270).

Also ... I completely trusted him. Defended him to everyone, thought he was incapable of lying and now I just feel so ... unbalanced. Like how could I have not seen through him then? And would I see through him if he lied again? If he hid it once then he could do it again? Does he really want to be trusted? Is he really trying to be trust worthy?

In terms of how do you detach? Slowly...in time...with mistakes...

YOu will feel like you have detached and then all of a sudden you will slip and fall back into the old patterns. You know what thought...YOu realize this which is a very good thing. You may not see it now and you probably dont feel it now...but you are growing..

I'm gonna take your word for it If growth hurts, then yep! I'm growing. No pain, no gain right?

Deal with the insecurity...as hard as it is stop thinking about OW.

I would LOVE to. How? I was doing ok, then her friggin' phone # shows up on my phone when I hit redial and 'BAM' there I am again! As an aside ... mutual friend B thinks that OW and I need to talk to 'clear the air'!

You said that you are GAL'ing, you have said that you enjoy time with H. Enjoy what you have right now.

Thanks for the reminder ... it is what it is and I should enjoy whatever that is. No more, no less. I think I need to get dimmer during our interactions ... maybe try harder to have the boys closer to going out the door when H arrives in the morning so he's there less time. I am NOT going to initiate any texts, emails or phone calls. I will only respond to ones that actually require a response IE. direct questions. I will not be cold, just distracted and busy. I am going to use family time as a chance to showcase the new me ... absolutely NO R talk ... if he initiates, I'm going to listen and shut up! Then change the subject.

Take the GAL activity to another level one that will really make YOU feel good. Once you feel good you may not feel as insecure.

You can do this.

God Bless,
Eric

Thank you
PEI