still separated, headed for D?

[newmama]

Thank you for your kind words, Piano! I have seen your posts on lots of threads,too, helping me and so many others! We can at least share what we have learned from our bad experiences, right?

Yeah, that's getting me down too - what's it like experience new parenthood as a couple? I hope one day all us preggy LBS's will get to experience this !

We will, but we don't know when...I know it won't be in the first 11 months!

Ok this is a segue into what I really am having a the difficulty forgiving- last night I did the work of the recommendations from the forgiveness articles.

There are still pictures of WH hanging on the wall along the staircase. There is one of him as a 11 or12 year old boy, with his dog, a Weimaraner. WH is wearing a baseball cap and some acid wash jeans! (it was the 80s!)What is funny is that I have looked into those eyes of the younger WH, and just see innocence, kindness, love, and pain. (another article that I didn't post said to think of the ones you want to forgive when they were childrend. And to recognize that their wounds are what have led them to commit the acts. I think it was Dr. Chopra who said this.

BUT the issue that really makes me bitter and angry and sad is what he is doing to S! How do these kids turn out who are shared 50/50?

I realize that I get very angry and sad when I think about S being shuffled back and forth, when I think of his memories being divided into 2 worlds: his mom's house and his dad's house. Where will his home base be? Is he going to have 2 sets of everything? And this would not have to happen if WH wasn't thinking with his d!@#!

But this is a dilemma I am now having with me filing for D- If I do it, then I will be contributing to this future for S that I don't want! I am soooo confused now!!!