And here I am .... H's MLC ....

[PEI]

I know I need to detach

Yup.

You answered your own question.

It's the HOW I'm having trouble with. Knowing I need to do it and knowing how to do it are so far apart.

And..

I am going to poke into something...

You didn't NEED H's help for S2 did you?

Then why did you call?

I felt S2 needed tylenol and we didn't have any. Can't leave all the kids home and go to the drugstore so I called H to see if he would pop over so I could go get the meds. The subsequent calls weren't necessary but I got on the crazy train and didn't know how to get off.

Also I don't think MC is good idea because

he tells me that he called her to tell her about the rental since he knew she was looking and it was in her general area. He said that they talk but it's just conversation, and he does not talk to her about us or our M.

If H is still having ANY contact with OW

IT AIN'T OVER

And

You cannot have any MEANINGFUL progress until it is.

Don't waste your time or his.

Yeah. Problem is she belongs to his 'group of friends' so realistically it's not like he'll ever have NO contact with her. Maybe I'm a fool, but I believe his intentions. At this point, I do not, however, believe he is being honest with himself about what he hopes to gain by 'being friends' with her. I think he's still pursuing (at least in his head) because she feeds his ego and meets those validation needs that weren't getting met. I guess I'm afraid that if I go dim and pull way back there won't be any chance of him realizing that those needs CAN be met at home.

I just need you to know that without your help the trust and insecurity issues are going to be harder for me to work through."

Look at this ^^^^


I NEED your help?

pressure?

Insecurity is your issue NOT his. If you NEED him for this you're done.

Welcome to Insecurity Island. With the professor and Mary Anne

Yeah, it's my issue ... but after spending time in the newcomers thread and hearing about how you NEED a transparency plan and NO contact to build trust I guess I'm not sure how to handle this. H says he wants me to trust him, but he's not working on the marriage. How do I trust him if he won't participate and if I can't/don't/won't trust him then how to I beat down the feelings of insecurity? And yeah. It is pressure isn't it? Bleh. This sucks.

If you like feeling insecure then be my guest and get him to help you with this.

I HATE feeling like this.

PEI it's ok.

We all stumble.

You had to live this to know how it feels and learn from it.

Just DO learn from it.

Do better.

No excuses

I guess I just need to figure out what better is. Do I go dim? Do I just carry on as I was but try to push all of it out of my head? Am I even capable of detachment?