rr22, you are absolutely right--I fully expected, and it has, gotten worse. SO much worse--I keep wondering if my H will have a stroke and die in front of me--I can't imagine what his blood pressure is every day!!
What is the difference? I am no longer around very long and I'm no longer a part of it. Detach, GAL, and walk away.
Yes, it's worse. He is on his way down to "rock bottom". He's not there yet--OH BOY--SO not there yet.
He's a 45 yo guy who has used this to "feel better" or whatever (I'm not going to think about why he does what he does, that is controlling) for a LONG time--longer than we've been married I am certain. I heard stories about him when he was youg--he was a tantrum thrower.
He is more miserable right now, looking for any possible fight he can, than I have EVER seen him. I had a slight car accident Tues (car swiped mine and broke off the mirror). He had a fit. 'I'm not paying for this $%*#!! I don't give a $&%# about you!!)
I calmly left the house, went to my C's that are FINALLY back in town (thank god--it isn't easy and I didn't know what to do--this is a $300 mirror!) where they told me--YOU HAVE TO FIX THE MIRROR.
So I did. My old H would have wanted me to be safe. This alien, I don't know, but again--I'm not going to think about where he's at because I can't control that--it's MY safety that comes first.
So I came home and told him and expected a huge fight and....nothing. What a letdown!!lol.
Because I am actually, sort of , God forgive me for saying this, but I actually appreciate that I can show I am different by being around him when he wants to fight. As I detach and observe, I just can't believe "I" am who "I" am. I had no idea I could be this strong. That I could feel this free in the face of so much miserableness from him.
My C's told me this is "my" time. Time to focus on me. Time to be selfish. Let him go. He is going to take whatever time it takes to get to the bottom and learn some OTHER way of relating. This takes time and I accept that. I am curious what he "may" become.
But if I made a list of all the ugly little snide comments, the baiting every day, the deep sighs, the new "rules" he makes trying to get me to fight--it would be an all day every day LONG post. I am past the "look at what he does, isn't it horrible". I am more focused on "look at what I am doing--isn't it DIFFERENT".
