New Year, New Thread, NEW ME!

[mza8]

LOL, no you don't sound nuts CG.

Can I ask you a question? Did you ever tell your H that all you ever wanted was a sincere apology from him? Does he know that's what it would have taken for you to begin to forgive him?

I completely understand what you're saying about your H doing such unimaginable things. The WAS does seem to have a mind of their own don't they? You know my sitch. My W has done several things that make me think she is on another planet sometimes. It's hurtful to have the one you love do these things to you.

Has your H ever been the kind of person to say he was sorry for anything? Maybe he has trouble expressing himself? You mentioned your H causing you pain for three years. Yes, I can relate. Unfortunately I didn't realize the pain I caused my W for two years until the day she walked out the door. The hardest part is not knowing what to do to make it right. How does the one who caused so much pain try to reestablish contact without pushing them away again? I guess that's the answer so many of us are looking for here. Maybe your H is trying to find a way to get to you?

The support and advice we all get from this board is great but in the end we all need to make decisions and do what is best for us. I've observed so much in my sitch and from others as well. It seems like such a game that couples play with each other. I believe they play these games as a way to deflect the hurt they feel. Seems like such a waste to me.

I guess what I am trying to say is if you still have feelings for your H then maybe give yourself more time and see what happens. If he continues to try to contact you ask him why he's doing it? You said you think it was because he wants something. Maybe use the direct approach and simply ask him. I think I'm going to start a similar process with my W. Just be honest and direct with her, no more games. If she's at a place that she can be honest and communicate with me then great but if not then I'll need to decide whether or not to give more time to the sitch or move on.

I've read a lot on here lately about forgiveness. One thing that stuck with me is that forgiveness is not just about forgiving some things. True forgiveness is about forgiving all things.

I hope you do what makes you happy CG.

Now, no more coffee and get some sleep.