Future, did this happen after A with OM was over or during A? I think that my W A with OM is preventing this from happening because she has him as a backup.
Thanks and I'm really happy for you!
Thanks Ken62. We'll see how it goes, but I'm getting increasingly optimistic.
It's absolutely true that my W's A provided a significant barrier to her appreciating her feelings for me and our M. Through intel I was getting, I could see she was absolutely obsessed with OM, and had him propped up as a super fantasy. Although it was killing me, I knew I couldn't win against that fantasy, at least not directly. However, I knew it couldn't possibly last.
First, I wanted to consistently show her that we could be fun together. I embraced a light attitude toward life, and GALed extensively to make myself feel good and be more interesting. I did give her some attention, which allowed her to cake eat, but I was willing to accept that for a while, because our M had gotten so negative and stale, I knew she wouldn't choose to return to it. I needed to show her a new possibility.
She stuck tenaciously to her attachment to OM, which was infuriating. I didn't show her that it bothered me though. If I couldn't be a light and fun person around her, I tried to just avoid her. I now think that my allowing her to cake eat prolonged her investment in OM, as she felt she could always have me as a backup. However, I didn't feel I had a choice, I needed to do what I did.
As her A with OM died, she moved toward me, but on her terms, which p*ssed me off. After all I'd been through, I wanted more respect than that, so I rejected her and cut off from her. She had seen how we could be together. I wanted to see if she'd pursue me and give me the respect I deserved. I figured either she'd come back and meet me on better terms, or I'd move on. I had gotten to the point that I was fine either way. She did make the choice to give me much more of what I wanted
So to answer your question, I think I made some progress while my W's A was going on, but it wasn't until it was over, for a while, that she really came around. I do think that my actions during her A put pressure on it, and confused her, and caused her even more turmoil. Did that shorten the A? I don't know.
It did take three to four months of nearly no contact, and taking a few strong stands against her, along with her dying or dead A, before she finally broke down and asked for me back. It's a LONG process, unfortunately.
