spouse pining for someone who's unavailable...

[g450]

xin,

I had a similar situation. Before the bomb. My XW was having a long distance EA with her HS boyfriend from 36 years ago. She hid it from me very well.

She divorced me back in Feb 2010 and I found out about the affair a few months after the D was finalized.

I did recently notice that she has been on a plane trip a few weeks back so she could very well have made her EA into a PA post divorce.

But it is technically still an affair. Why?
Because the scumbag is married and has five kids and lives in Orlando.

I did email him one time and he also vehemently denied an affair even though I had email evidence of her telling him how much she loved him, calling him baby and my love, xoxox and crap like that. Terms I have not heard from her as a husband for years. It made me sick to my stomach.

Anyway I am ranting. Back to my point. There are two things I want you to consider. Never, ever assume that the EA has not been a PA. You may never get the evidence but it is a real possibility.

The other point I wanted to make is that if it is a "Romantic" EA such as with my XW, then you will be fighting a fantasy. And that may be harder than an actual human being.

I think in my XW's mind, her HS boyfriend could do no wrong. She envisions what he looked like when he was 18 instead his current age etc. She does not see or know of any of his flaws. The fact that he is knowingly cheating on his own wife by being in an EA with my XW seems to fly right over her head.

You can NOT compete with a fantasy. Best to use plan B and just let the fantasy die out by itself (if ever). Just take care of yourself and prepare for the worst as it most likely will happen.