working with addicts has taught me that an addict can NEVER just use and someone who uses to escape is an addict
that being said
this is your life Shelbel and how you live it is up to you, not to me or anyone else
what you can deal with what you can't
that was the hardest thing for me that there weren't any clean answers, you know if A then B
life is about the gray areas
don't get sucked in
I used to make a reality check (like I wrote it out so I could read it) that had TRUTHS written on it so when my ex would start and I would feel all topsy turvy I could actually look at it and read it...it made it solid for me
working with addicts has taught me that an addict can NEVER just use and someone who uses to escape is an addict
that being said
this is your life Shelbel and how you live it is up to you, not to me or anyone else
what you can deal with what you can't
that was the hardest thing for me that there weren't any clean answers, you know if A then B
life is about the gray areas
don't get sucked in
I used to make a reality check (like I wrote it out so I could read it) that had TRUTHS written on it so when my ex would start and I would feel all topsy turvy I could actually look at it and read it...it made it solid for me
...and this ^ will leave me sleepless again tonight.
Good points, fig, thank you. I'm going to deny them for an hour or two, just because it's too hard to look at.
How do you stand and let go at the same time?
And if life is about the gray areas, what about the fuzzy ones? Like this, right here. Fuzzy to me, anyway.
What am I doing...
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
Detaching and letting go doesn't mean stop loving. It means not getting sucked into the MLCer's drama. It means stepping out of their way and not impeding their journey. It's a protection for yourself.
Standing means loving unconditionally. Moving forward while leaving the door open a bit for a possible R down the road if/when S finds themselves and faces the issues that have caused them pain and then to run. They have to come to terms with the fact that whatever band aid they've used will not heal them and give them that elusive happiness they're chasing. Standing also means that you're giving yourself time to figure out what you really want.
Those gray or fuzzy areas that you find. Those are for you to come to terms with. Those are the things you will figure out as you take your own journey through this.
This journey that you're on, if you're open, will teach you that no matter how your sitch turns out, you'll be better than OK.
what kind of person do you want to be? what kind of person will you be proud to be?
I have rugrats so I asked myself what kind of example I wanted to be for them
so in standing, you don't stand in their way you like water, a stream, curving around the impasses but never allowing yourself to be dammed up
your strength lies in your ability to travel, not to remain still standing doesn't mean you go dormant...you keep flowing in who you are...you are standing for yourself and your beliefs...standing for who you are
Shelbel, make sure to take care of yourself. There are so many of us that are dealing with MLC and then on top of it are given an extra dose of crazy. You're one and you will need all the strength you can get. Please take very good care of yourself.
I'm getting by with a little help from my friends...
And still very much resisting the urge to make contact with him. In fact, there is no urge to make contact with him. The very thought of it makes my hands shake.
I'm still here though, mostly reading. And learning.
(((much love))) to everyone keeping up on this. My prayers & hopes for all of you, as well.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
I have been so freakin' busy the past few days. That's good, though. No time or desire to call him or post about him. Too busy to care that my phone hasn't rung either.
NOT looking forward to tomorrow when he comes to get the kids. Once again he will have them for less than 24 hours his "weekend".
Ha. Whatever. It's not me he is hurting. And I'm not going out of my way to fix his R with the kids.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
If your hands are shaking, you are having strong emotions. Allow yourself to feel them and then release them.