My Life and Husband's MLC

[sandi2]

I never click on "post not answered" but for some reason I did.....and found yours. You may never come back to see if anyone responded to you, but perhaps another poster in a like situation as yours will find it.

I am not skilled enough to answer in a short post (or even a thousand posts) what you are seeking. I think you want peace from all that distrubs you. I am concerned at how you ended your last post.

I have determined through countless prayer and recognition of my past transgressions and behavior that I am unworthy of a reconcile marriage, a great career, or even great friends.

"You" may have determined it, but God did not determine it. You are placing God on the same level as humans.....and if you look at all of this from that point, then "no" you don't deserve those things. Nobody deserves what God gives them. He does not give to people b/c they "deserve" it. He gives from Who and What He is.....not them. His character is so much higher than ours until we don't have the concept to understand it. But, He blesses us through His character....not ours.

You said that you could not understand why God would allow you to be abused. That is a tough one. This world is not God's world, it's Satan's world and it is dominated by sin. The Bible teaches us that sin entered the world by one man (Adam) and it reigns in our world today. Everyone suffers at the hand of sin, even the innoncent. As humans, we could look at some SOB and think maybe they deserved to get whatever evil thing happened, but a baby....a child? That is what we don't understand and don't want to accept.

God does not interfer with the free will of humans. You said that we could not change the will of God, but what you did not say was how He would not change our will. Our decisions are very, very important to Him and that is why you will see all down through history how He has allowed man to make to make his own free-will choices......even the ones God doesn't like. It was at the hand of a sinful person who abused you. As awful as that was.....God did not interfer with that individual. I cannot give you a satisfied answer and I doubt anyone could. You want to know why God didn't step in and do something to stop that person, right? IDK,other than to repeat that God doesn't step in to interfer with man's free will.

I have accepted that I am lost to God because I lack faith.

That one thing,and that only would keep you from being a child of God. He will not force you to believe in Him. You make that decision and it sounds as if that is what you are doing, however, it is based on what God has never done for you (according to what you consider to be worthwhile) but not according to the most important of all issues.

Doing good and expecting something (anything) in return is proof that one is not living by the notion that "God loves a cheerful giver".

I'm not even sure what you are saying here. It sounds as if you are saying that people do not get something in return for being good and therefore it's not true that God loves a heerful giver? If that is what you are saying, then you have it all messed up. We aren't suppose to do anything expecting some reward in return. I'm not sure what you mean in there.

Well I have no faith because I cannot reason on understand why God permitted my abuser to abuse me for several years and then become an ordained minister? The irony is unbelievable.

I can understand why it "would" be! I have tried to explain the first part, but the second part I'd have to ask if that person had repented of his sin. If he didn't, then I don't believe God called Him into His ministry b/c that would compromise God's character (long lesson in doctrine that I won't go into) but if the abuser repented and then God called him then that's God's business. We are not required to agree with it or to understand it. It is not our business who God calls into the ministry. However, like I said.....the abuser may not have been "called" by God. Just b/c some church ordains a man into the ministry, doesn't mean God spiritually called him. That is why the world has so many "preachers" and "priests" who do bad things.

She is steadfast in her faith and believes that God's grace is purposeful and almightly. Yet, she is experiencing pain in her life.

The good people and the bad people experience pain in this life. There is no getting around pain if we are going to live on planet earth. Just b/c she is a wonderful person cannot give her a ticket to escape some of the stuff that life is going to throw at us.

I am to expect nothing because I have done nothing nor believe.

Again you are looking at this as humans opperate, not God. I wish I could take the time and space to try to explain more....but even if I had the skill to do it,you'd need faith to pick up where human understanding ended.

Please remember that our ways are not God's ways. He does not think like we do and He does not opperate like we do. It is really an insult to put Him on the same level with us. The main issue is to know where you will spend eternity. God sent His Son to die in our place (for our sins)and therefore Jesus qualifies as being our Redeemer. When we accept Christ as our Savior, then we can rely upon Him to cleanse us and save us. We don't have to keep repeating some prayer or to continue to beg Him to forgive us of our transgressions in order to believe in Him. As long as we live on earth, we will be a sinner. But, we can be a saved sinner or a lost sinner. The choice is always ours.

I hope you'll accept what I've said in the spirit I tried to send it. I may not know a lot, but I know that God does not look at you as hopeless or forever lost.....not to the one who gave His Son for you. How could He? Destiny, He loves you. I hope you will believe that and don't give up on Him. Please don't measure His love like you have been doing. It's much greater than that.