And here I am .... H's MLC ....

[PEI]

Hi all ... I am looking for input from as many as possible ... so all you regulars and you lurkers too ... please weigh in ...


H and I are supposed to have a MC appt next week. Our MC is pro-marriage, a student of Gottman, and we really like her. Here's my issue ... I don't think we should go!

For those of you that are following my sitch you know that H has not committed to working on our M, he has, however, committed to a 'Healing Separation'. This means he has agreed to put off final decisions on what is going to happen (re D) in order that he can do the work he needs to do on himself and get to a healthier place from which to make decisions. We agreed to emotional and sexual monogamy, no dating, sharing the house and spending 'family time' plus an evening together every week. He is spending his nights away at his sister's house.

We've only been working with agreement since May 17th and so far he has done many 180s (not that he knows what those are) such as taking responsibility for his money, talking honestly about things he thinks might upset me or get a reaction, listening without getting defensive, working out, quitting smoking, following through when he says he's going to do something, etc. All throught the winter/spring he was paying lip service to wanting/needing to work on himself but didn't take action prior to now.

I've been GAL and continuing my 180s. I'm spend most of my time in a positive place ... working hard on killing the control freak inside me and generally just getting to know myself and what I may, or may not, want. I'm working on my emotional reactivity, studying relationships and communication, working on my part-time business, enjoying my kids and trying to detach. I'm also thinking about unconditional love and what that truly means.

So ... I think that an MC appointment will shift the focus back to the M and away from us as individuals. At this time I really don't see the point in that since what we've agreed to is the individual work..... someone on here told me that I can't speed this process up, but I can certainly slow it down! I'm trying to not do that

What do y'all think?

PEI