still separated, headed for D?

[WhatNow]

I have hope for your M! You have said Go ahead with the D, and he hasn't. Even if he had, there is still hope! I have read too many stories where even after D, the WS 'wakes up' out of the fog.

Re 1): I do not know if I have forgiven H yet. A lot depends on how this turns out! I think I have to forgive each violation, each cruel thing he has said and done. Once I feel I have forgiven H, a new memory hits and leaves me incredulous and angry all over again.
Bruce Fisher's 'Rebuilding when a relationship ends' is helpful. I am still on the second building block tho!

Re 2): Don't be too hard on yourself!

Re 3): I am trying to stay away from the 'time killers' too. I am not on here as much as it seems. I walk by the computer and if there is an email I read it. I do the same w/ the TV! So I get 5 or 10 minutes of lots of shows. Yikes

Re 4) I don't know if I would have understood what I am doing pre-DDay either. I have 2 dear friends who have been sooo supportive. I feel so lucky to have them! Everyone else thinks I am nuts for not kicking him to the curb! It isn't like I am sitting here pining away for H. You aren't either! Sometimes I wish he were dead...then I'd have a map of tradition to follow. (And casseroles! And the insurance $!!!)

Unrelated: A question I have been pondering about DBing...

At some point R talk must happen, right? Or do we let them go without a word? without any calm discussion about what has happened? This would be a good step toward forgiveness, wouldn't it? When H brings it up...about once a week lately, I side-step it. At what point do I respond?