Need a Plan for My Marriage

[LSG]

You could be right, but I do not know if I can trust anyone right now. I just need to inject the positive into myself and be able to do that without feeling that I need someone to make it happen. I just want to come and go and be me whatever that is. I want to just be happy with me right now, and show the kids what a good parent does for them and theirself.

I just don't see the future so brightly lit yet without my wife. I had so many dreams that we would share together, and it will take me time to not see her in them anymore. I am moving so slowly, but it is my pace I guess. I want to feel that I am a good person again, and I just don't feel that anymore. I use to feel good about myself, but I don't feel good about the things I have to do in my divorce to protect me and the kids and my time with them without her. I just hate the feeling of being angry at her and loving her so much. It just hurts me so bad!!! I am a caring and kind person that just wants to do the right thing, and nothing feels right now.

I wonder if it ever will again. I don't want to feel this way forever. I need to keep my hope that I feel I am losing a little more everyday.

I love my W so very much, and I miss her everyday even though I see her everyday. It make me cry from time to time. I cannot believe that I am so weak these days.

I want to tell her I love her so much, and I want our marriage, but I know I should not do that. I miss telling her so much how I feel. I miss holding her in my arms. I miss being close to her and helping her when she needs me. I miss her needing me. I don't want to feel this way because I need to be strong to fight in the divorce. The kids are the only reason that I fight at all. Everything else really does not matter. I could lose everything, but not my kids. I wish I had not lost my W that I love so much.