You mentioned that you used to do everything for him. That's not being an agressor. It's being an enabler. Let's put it this way. He's had "problems". You acting the way you have isn't being agressive. It's just being angry. He constantly stepped on your self-esteem and you decided not to put up with it any more.
As far as I can tell you've never forced him to do anything except maybe getting some help. There's nothing wrong with that.
In maintaining your answers short, it shows you have better things to do rather than get sucked into his drama AGAIN.
In the past I'm sure you would have written a lengthy response. Well your 180 is to keep them short and sweet.
Overall your response message is great. I would eliminate the "niceties" like the greeting. It's to show him that you ARE NOT comfortable with the sitch the way things are.
"I'm pretty busy right now.
Your clothes and computer are packed and sitting by the front door for you to take tomorrow.
I will leave you on my insurance. I will not help you with any legal services.
I committed to helping with the reunion and that has not changed. I will leave the UPS key for you on the counter to take tomorrow. I am still able to send confirmation emails, if needed.
I will be attending person and person's wedding.
The cash is not necessary. In several weeks my packcheck will transfer to a seperate account. I would also like to take over paying the bills and remove you from the joint billing account. Your paycheck would still go into the "joint checking account" and your bill/mortgage portion would transfer into the joint billing account. My paycheck will deposit into a seperate account. In terms of the credits cards in your name you can continue to pay those from your account.
Gotta go."
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Ok - thanks Mr. Bond. Would like to several other opinions too.
Everyone has been so great and helpful - you guys have kept me strong through all this.
Keep the advice coming.
I have plans with a girlfriend after work tonight so I probably won't answer this until tomorrow anyway so everyone feel free to respond/add/change onto mrbonds suggestions.
Also, one thing I didnt address in the email was his cell phone. He wants me to remove him from the account so he can open his own account. I don't know how to respond to that.
Also, I got a dog walker for the days I am not home. Should i tell husband about that? I'm worried he might come over and while she is there and scare her (just because she wouldn't be expecting him).
Honestly, the truth is I dont feel like dealing with this crap. I'm still trying to get it emotionally together and I think he has a problem that I'm working with his family on to try and possibly get him help.
Just like any addict he want to run away from this as fast as humanly possibly so he doesn't have to feel it or deal with it. He can go out and get drunk and call up some hooker and make himself feel better and I'm stuck here in misery.
I'm not at his every command. I didn't asnwer his other email because I dont really have anything to say.
I need to answer this one just so he can stop asking me the same questions.
Take him off your cell phone. Let him handle the transition of numbers and such. It's what he wants and you can't control that. You know he's going to be using it for less than innocent reasons, but let that be on his head.
It would be good to mention the dog walker but don't use her as primarily a reason why you don't want him to come over unannounced. That is your boundary.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I basically put what you said MrBond. I think that was good! I also gave phone carrier authorization to have him taken off. He obviously has to call and do the rest but I just said "You have been taken off the phone account".
I actually feel pretty good about that. It was hard but I feel like I'm more in control.
The name is Bond...MISTER Bond! Well done Anned- good job listening to Bond!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Another thought .... be prepared for him to deny anything you have told his parents. They may believe his lies and think you have malicious intent. Make sure you have proof, so that he can't squirm out of his problems.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Ugh. I had a horrible day. I came home and my husband had taken all of his belongings that I packed. I don't know why this made me so upset.
I also spent most of the day feeling really guilty. I felt guilty because he was trying to be nice in his email and I feel like I was mean and I feel bad. I don't know why I feel bad but I do.
I called the bank today and in order for me to take him off an account we have to go in together. How should I approach this? What should I say?
I hate this. I don't want it to be this way. I just want things to be better and for him to come home. I can't take this - I miss him so much. I want him to get help.
Also, the credit cards that are in his name I said he could pay; however we did use them together to remodel part of our house in the fall. Legally I dont have to do anything and he is responsible for them but morally should I be stepping in and doing that too?
