it means my hard work has paid off. i work hard. and i worked hard for a long time. i wanted to be a homeowner even before getting married. i have something to show for after all my effort. i can be proud of it. it's a milestone in my life. what do i have now? i have nothing. i'm 37. i don't have a home, i don't have a m, i don't have a family. what do i have? i have nothing. this is not me.
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So how will this experience help you be in a better place?
i certainly wouldn't do this again. i would shut the door on that ever happening again. who needs that kind of drama? i don't have another 15 lbs to lose. otherwise, my organs will begin to shut down. my focus would be on other areas of my life. mainly work. just work hard, be financially independent.
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I'll ask you again. What are you doing to reconcile or get yourself in a stronger position if you D? Escape or do the work. Your choice.
the question is really whether i want to reconcile. i am so full of anger that i don't think reconciling is an option. i'm not being given an option to fix it. i don't have a choice. he's checked out and way ahead of me. what would be the point of reconciling? what bugs me most is that when i say things like "he thinks ...." you tell me to stop thinking for him. when he dropped the d-bomb on me, he basically came to that conclusion by thinking for me. he told me that intimacy was neither a priority or passion. how does he know that? he isn't me. yet he made that conclusion himself. he also told me that if we didn't have children, i would resent him later on. again, how does he know that?
if intimacy is a theme here, then how do i prove that intimacy is not a problem for me? should i really go out and find someone to prove that it isn't a problem? i can't prove it with words. i have to prove it with my actions.
i don't see a window of opportunity to fix it. if he's way ahead of me and he's "checked out". then why am i bothering?
how am i making things better for me after d? the house. the baby. i won't let things like a d stop me from living or achieving what i want. emotions-based or not. if i stopped living, then he will have won. i wasted so many of my years on him. trying to have a baby with someone who probably couldn't. and didn't have the guts to tell me that the problem was in him. i wasted all that time on him. if i didn't have a baby, then he would have won. i don't want to rely on someone in order to have a baby.
