Yes, though things in my field are really terrible. It's pretty discouraging because I can't easily take advantage of the earning opportunities that do exist because a lot of it is based on travelling out of town for about 10 days at a time.
OK, I don't think I really had a good grasp of your field. Are there any opportunities for teaching things like community college or community adult ed classes in your field?
Originally Posted By: flowmom
I guess so...but I wonder if the positive outcome extends to her children. They are living in two homes, and cared for by two parents who are both "in love" in new relationships. Can you tell that I'm still having trouble looking on the bright side as far as the children are concerned?
Yes, and I share your fears about that. I myself had a very disturbing dream last night about my H reconnecting with his ex and them trying to keep me from my D, making decisions about her care, etc. without me. It was awful.
Originally Posted By: flowmom
Unfortunately I'm still feeling pretty stuck on the procrastination stuff. I've had tiny movement in that area, but what I need is to develop the skills to deal with that, and a sense of confidence in myself that I can and will take action to address the important things in my life.
The financial stuff is really bothering me. Because H's spousal and child support will be dependent on his earning, it's really not something I can count on. For all I know he'll be on dialysis in a couple of years, or refuse to work more than the bare minimum so that he has time to start a new life, or whatever. There is no obligation on his part to maintain any level of income, and his plan is likely to force me into taking a much greater role in that. Which is fair enough, but scary for me.
I'm having thoughts about shifting how I earn money. For example, if I could find clients who were willing to be flexible, perhaps I could do cleaning lady stuff. Procrastination would be less of an issue there. The money is not as well paying as my professional work, but possibly easier to schedule around H's childcare availability. The professional work is discouraging right now because my skills are soooo rusty, the procrastination is huge, and I just don't have the confidence any more .
Fair enough- there's still stuff to work on. I do see a shift in you, though, which may be harder for you to see/feel b/c you're with yourself every day. Maybe it's more of a shift in attitude and more PMA now that I'm seeing, and you haven't felt a concrete "action-oriented" change yet. Whatever it is, it's movement in a positive direction. After all, you had that project for the one client you did, and the outing you did this past weekend, and you've consulted with an L- that's more than you had done a few months ago, as far as I know . And I think it's good to think of other $ alternatives- it's wise to plan. I know a few stay at home moms here who take care of other friends' kids during the day to earn some extra money- a lot of work, but something all of us moms are already "qualified" for. I'm so sorry you're in this situation with the money/earning. It seems unfair that H won't be expected to provide in some way for his family. One would hope that he'd have a sense of responsibility to do that, but it's probably wise not to count on anything....
Originally Posted By: flowmom
Is sticking my head in the sand dealing with it? Right now "what I don't know can't hurt me" is working for me. My life is an exercise in figuring out what's my business and what isn't my business and constantly redirecting myself to what's my business. I can't really imagine not caring what H does R-wise because it's very likely that OW will be in a parental role with my children, possibly with step-siblings in tow. Kind of boggles the mind.
Ok, so maybe I got ahead of myself. And I think "ignoring" and "re-directing your focus" are definitely legitimate ways of coping with this right now. I am trying not to think of a future OW with my kid- I can't face that right now. So, perhaps it's something we'll deal with when it gets closer. However you look at it, it's rotten. No one but us and our H's were supposed to be raising our kids, right? Sigh.
Be kind to yourself today and trust that even if you don't feel a huge amount of progress, it *is* there, and there's a lot of us out here who see it and see you moving in a positive direction.
((((FM))))
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
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. And I think it's good to think of other $ alternatives- it's wise to plan. I know a few stay at home moms here who take care of other friends' kids during the day to earn some extra money- a lot of work, but something all of us moms are already "qualified" for. I'm so sorry you're in this situation with the money/earning. It seems unfair that H won't be expected to provide in some way for his family. One would hope that he'd have a sense of responsibility to do that, but it's probably wise not to count on anything....
