I am not sure what I wanted. I mean, I still loved him, I know that. But reconciliation? I vacillated on that.

I think the thing that hurt the most was that he didnt tell me. I mean, we have been talking, laughing, but over the weekend I just had a nagging feeling something was up. I checked the El Paso County website, and there it was. He married the woman he left me for.

I sent one line to him, why did you lie to me? He says what? I said you got married and married OW? He said it was because he didn't want to hurt me. So I let him have it. Told him not only had he ripped my heart out, he kicked it and stomped on it for good measure. Then I told him I hated him, and that I never wanted to hear from him again, and that he needed to sign my car over to me when the BK was finished.

I am trying to sort through a range of emotions right now. I am trying not to let this affect me too much because I don't want to give him anymore. And mostly I am okay. I am waivering between being angry at myself for not seeing, once again, through his BS, and anger at him for lying to me. But then again, he was so good at it, I guess I should have expected it.

But honestly, part of it is a little freeing as well. I mean, I can move on. I think I needed something like this so that I could move on, really move on. Now, there is no more question.

I feel bad for the OW in a way. Few years down the road, she is going to go through the same damned thing.

Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..