Hey JR, I've been off-site for a long time...but just thought I would check in today and see how things are going for you. I think MrBond is right - you have to be assertive - especially when it comes to the kids. As for respect/anger - you really can't determine what her response will be - you can only determine whether or not your actions are in the best interests of your children.
Back when you first started posting I remember you mentioned a bit about who you were when you and your wife first met and fell in love - you were strong and assertive - sometimes, when we pass through periods of anger, it's easy to mistake strength and assertiveness for anger and intimidation - but it doesn't have to be that way. Being strong, being assertive, especially when done in the best interests of your children, can be a pivotal step toward being even more true to yourself.
As you know, my X and I (we went to court at the end of April, filed papers, and are not just waiting on formalities) not reconciled - however, even though I no longer want to be with her, I do see how my personality affects her. For a long time - too long, I would say, I would simply say or do things to try to make things smoother for her - avoid tension/be kind/etc - but recently she has just gone too far on several occasions when it came to time with my son. I finally just kind of blew up a bit - asserted myself in a way that seemed to catch her by surprise - but that also made it clear to her that I am not a pushover. Since then, I've noticed a chance in how she responds to me - why she has changed, I can't say - her reasons for doing things have long since stopped making sense to me - but that she changed is obvious...and she has responded with a lot more respect for my role as my son's father.
That said...it's important to stay calm and in control when being assertive - given her experience with your PTSD, I imagine she's very sensitive to any show of anger on your part...
Anger is okay, though...it's how we express that anger that matters most.
