In DB parlance, cornering her with the affair has had the same affect as persuing her and begging her to reconsider leaving. She's being pushed out the door that much more quickly and headed towards D.
This is why I advocate that people's short list of "dealbreakers" should be just that -- SHORT. Just two, three or maybe four things that represent your "N.U.T.S.", or as I call them, your "Boundaries of Personal Integrity." They should be things that you COULD NOT ABIDE ANYWAY, so -- if they force them out -- then, well, you couldn't have lived with that (say, a marriage with an ongoing affair, or even post-affair continued contact) anyway.
SHORT-TERM, the laying -- and enforcing -- of boundaries often DOES push them away from you. But longer-term, it actually brings them back, and into a healthier-balanced marital relationship built on mutual respect for each other's boundaries.
Puppy
Puppy that's exactly what I'm trying to accomplish, in a non threatening way. To open the door to work on the immediate issues before us together (she seems close to agreeing to some form of therapy to work on basic issues, not R), while also letting her know that we need to establish ground rules for the two dealbreakers for me, and to agree to and respect those rules.
