Can it be...a MLC??

[ericmsant2]

Still

Your sitch sounds sooooo much like mine. Debt, trying to speak to W about doing this nicely, etc. Once again, stop worrying about db'ing, or MLC vs. WAS for now. I know...I know it is hard but right now you need to step back and just breath...

You post show the same signs that I displayed. FEAR...YOU WANT THIS TO GO AWAY NOW. Dude - please listen to me...STOP trying so hard to fix something that cannot be fixed overnight.

Now is the time for you to really think about YOU. That's right YOU. That is not to say you are selfish....no it is to say that you must realized and ACCEPT that W has said it is over. So waht does it is over mean to you?

What I have learned is that it means that YOU know have TIME. TIME to figure shome serious Sh*t out.

but wants to go through this without friction is problematic.

Now here is what you need to do....listen to her. She wants to do this without friction... listen to her. As hard as it may be right now...believe her. Think about what she may be going thru...while you are listening....you should be still.

Getting info from lawyer and sharing it with her, showing her our debt sitch, showing her how we could work on debt sitch.

Sorry to say this dude...I think you are trying to scare her into staying. (FTR - I tried this) It will not work. If she is done, she is done. So stop trying to control and manipulate her. Right now, she is focused on her. How about you do the same.

I cannot stop her

Yes you cannot stop her. This much is true..you can though push her. You may be pushing her with your fear. It is probably written on your face. So if you deal with the fear you will put yourself in a better position.

should I then force her to file and simply stand my ground saying I want this to work?

You should keep your mouth SHUT. Stop sharing info, stop trying to talk your way out. Stop and listen. Be still for a bit. Let the dust settle.

I am getting confused about some things. Isn't dragging my feet controlling the sitch, or trying to?

If you are dragging your feet because you do not want a D then no it is not controlling because you are doing it for YOU. If you are doing it becasue you are affraid and you are trying to manipulate her into staying - then yes it is controling.

Still - you need to realize that you want her to stay because she wants to not because of debt, not because of the kids but because she wants to. Guess what - she needs to figure that out.

Still she knows you...she can see what you are doing. Stop - focus on YOU. Focus on what you really want. Do what you want to do but don't be an ass.

God Belss,
Eric