Quote:
Make three dozen cupcakes. Think win-win. What will help you, help you possibly reconcile or make you stronger, wiser and better for the future?

with the amount of anger in me, i honestly cannot see how we can reconcile. if there is a brick wall, it would be me and my anger.

i've never been so overwhelmed by anger in my life.
the only things that i've learned from this are that you can't trust anybody and there is no such thing as a best friend.

Quote:
The last dozen is for your husband. This is a reason to make contact with no expectations.

with the amount of anger in me, i'd actually put poison in his cupcakes.

Quote:
What is the "wall" you speak of? What is it really made of? Two pains in life - the pain of regret or the pain of discipline. You choose.

i regret getting married.
i regret everything i did for the a*hole.

i feel like that "wall" are those around me. those who tell me that i need to wait before making such a decision. those who are supposed to be experts and guide me by telling me that he's ahead of me and that i need to catch up. when i tell them how i plan to catch up, i am told to wait. it's not right to confuse someone who is already confused and asking for help. because the more you tell me not to do something, i will go ahead and do it.

Quote:
You are pure emotion right now. How does one get the emotions under control? Do you like being in this state of being? You can't DO until you BE, then you can HAVE.

a lot of decisions are made based on emotion.
i don't know how to get emotions under control.
i just want to run away. leave and go somewhere where nobody knows me and i don't know anybody.
starting over, you say? no. i just don't want to be asked about my past. call it avoiding, running away from responsibility.
i've kept so much bottled up. i'm like a molotov cocktail right now.
there is so much more inside that has to come out.
i absolutely hate being in this state. i hate myself and wish this part of me would die.

i just can't let this affect my job performance. my professional reputation is clean and very good right now. i've screwed up one part of my life, can't screw up the rest.