I chose the one less traveled by...#29

[kat727]

Aw thanks! Sometimes a second language does come in handy. Especially when you are just really emotionally.(Like when am I not lately?)

I had spoken with a neutral party this weekend and she said I should say what I want with K. I think I do but I guess I am not always very clear. Anyhow, we used to write letters all the time(in the dark ages before internet), so I thought writing him would be the best way to explain myself. I wrote the story of us: everything, all the way back to age 17. I read it to my boys. S14 thought it was really good but asked me what I was afraid of and what do I want to have happen. So I added that on. It was all written in the context of a girl met a boy type thing. It got me weepy just reading it to them.

Anyway I sent it yesterday. Lots of confusion on somethings with ex. All the emotions of the letter, frustration about my jumping to conclusion and perhaps not seeing things for what they are set me off. K just got back from vacation with his whole family(Mom and Dad, kids, their friends,his college friend and two kids, sister and brother-in-law). Just seeing them together upset me. They only call each other good friends, just like J and I do. Who knows? I want to stop feeling jealous and insecure and yes folks, I know, I am the only one that can do that.

kat