Exposure has pushed her into a corner, and she's escalated things on many fronts. Situation has been volatile for a week now. There has been some open communication and and signs that everything that has been happening for the past week or so is just defensive, and not necessarily her honest intentions.
I can't believe a word she says, and she's clearly in the midst of this addiction and the denial, lying and covering her tracks that goes along with exposure. But I do beleive that she doesn't want to turn this into all out war.
We're at a turning point where things can get really really ugly, or possibly lay the groundwork for rebuilding trust and starting to work together.
In DB parlance, cornering her with the affair has had the same affect as persuing her and begging her to reconsider leaving. She's being pushed out the door that much more quickly and headed towards D.
I think that it may be possible to settle things down, begin to work together on some issues, establish ground rules re our son and her illicit affair without pushing her further into a corner and causing her to jump towards D. She'll never admit to the A, but I think I can get her to agree to stop doing it without admitting to it. I get the sense that I caught the A in it's first few months, and quick exposure may have made it unappealing for both of them to continue.
I'm not trying to be enabling and a door mat. Simply taking a softer approach so she does not feel cornered, attacked, and can keep her dignity.
