I came home to chaos yesterday. She had arrived to pick up our daughter and started a fight with our day care provider. He called me frantic because she was telling him to get out. I told him to get in his car and driveaway for the time being.
When I got home she was there. I could tell our seven year old was upset. Her sister came and tried to pick a fight with me. I calmly resisted and refused to talk to her. I told my wife that I would talk when her sister left. When her sister realized she wasn't going to get a fight out of me she left and took the kids to her house. I stayed and talked to my wife. I told her I am willing to accept 75% of the fault for our marriage failing but I am willing to make it work, and if she walks, she takes resposibility for 100% of it at this point. She stated that she CANT get past the pushing around I did to her a few years ago. I haven't touched her since then, but the emotional damage is done. I am paying the price of my anger.
I tried hard not to show any anger. I did not want to give her any reason to justify leaving. It didn't help thoug. I notice in things she said to me that she is looking for anything she can to blame me for everything. She even hinted at infidelity even though I have NEVER given her a reason to believe that at all.
She is VERY angry. It is consuming her. She is not acting as her usual self. Did I mention that she has recently been diagnosed with clinical depression? I recognize that I have to counter that anger with love, but it is soooo hard.
Now I am torn between what I feel I should do and not wanting to rock the boat any more. Should I leave the house and get an apartment? Stop paying the mortage and bills and let it get taken by the bank? Dissolve our joint accounts? I feel I need to free myself as much as possible because I do not know how much anger she has and how far she will let it go. I suspect she will try and get custody of the kids, but so far she has not taken any legal action. I do not want to fight her so I might let her get custody if she pursues it. I can visit. I can also afford to pay her support, but it will be hard for me. I just want peace. I am so lost. I pray daily for guidance. I feel that I was being helped yesterday with my anger.
