spouse pining for someone who's unavailable...

[TimeHeals]

I think my problem is that my husband seems to think that because he has feelings for her, our marriage is doomed

They all say things like that when they are having an EA or PA:

Variations:

1. If our M had a chance to work, I wouldn't feel this way.
2. I don't want to be in an R where I have done something like this.
3. I don't love you, or I wouldn't feel like this.

etc, etc.

The problem? No healthy boundaries to protect the M. It's a character issue more than anything. Plenty of people have problems in their M, but people with good character (healthy boundaries) don't cheat. Period.

And there is zero chance that your spouse will be able to work on your M or address his own character issues while he is still pursuing the OW. None. He can't really do it while that goes on no matter what he says.