At my wit's end

[Gardener]

almostperfect,
Sorry about your roller coaster of pain.
I would read Divorce Remedy.
Read many posts here on Newcomers. You will find wisdom, kinship and many situations like your own.
Read upon boundaries. Threre's a thread here on Newcomers about it; you might have to do some searching to find it, though.
Post more information about you and your situation..
Vent here when you just feel like letting go or trying out ideas here first, etc.
There is an Infidelity Forum, though I am not familiar with it.
This is going to be a marathon, not a sprint. Hang in there.
Others will be along, soon.