Need a Plan for My Marriage

[LSG]

I guess I am finding that the ups and downs with me are because I never liked to hurt someones feelings even when someone has been bad to me. I just don't like to be an a$$hole. It is not in me even though I have had to be in this whole process. It is my kids that keep me from just giving up all together. I know I have to do what is best for them, but this is their mother and the W I once loved so much. How do I just turn off my emotions. I do not like what I am doing. It just seems so wrong and strange to have to do the things I am.