Cause for alarm?

[Allen A]

If your wife asks why TELL Her...


YOU LIED

You deliberately mislead myself, people at work, and violated someone's marriage.

We both are having trouble trusting each other right now and offering ourl ives up OPENLY is ONE WAY professional therapists reccomend to REBUILD TRUST that's been DAMAGED.

I am cooperating here rather than fighting, are you willing to cooperate or do you want this to be a fight - if you want to fight then the fight is YOUR OWN, NOT MINE.


And when she hands you the phone and you hand her yours... let he go through yorus... don't even LOOK at her phone.. just hold it until she's done with yours then exchange them back.

When your wife asks why find simple precise ways to get a point across, dont' ARGUE back, just state the facts like the above sample and wait for a response.

A marriage isn't a mistake, it's a choice you make EACH DAY... A choice to work WITH your partner, or AGAINST them... Your choice here... But if this doens't work and I am cooperating then we know who is sending this marriage into the toilet, and it won't be me...


And set your phone down in front of her and watch...

Each time you have a chance, sneak in some education.. she will likely dismiss it, but it WILL sit in her brain a while...


If she refuses to hand over her phone after saying the above then just walk away.

[Allen A]

YOu need a solid simple response like this to all her statements... if you keep them simle it DOES sink in and resonate.. they may not change, but it does sneak something in there for you...

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Allen,

I agree with everything you've said here (and above) 100%, but at some point, don't you think the time for talking, teaching, educating, and persuading ends?

Tens of thousands of WORDS have been given to OIN here, and thousands of those have been conveyed from him to his wife. The only thing she's going to understand at this point, in my opinion, is ACTION, BOUNDARIES and CONSEQUENCES.

My mentor when I was going thru my sitch, NOPkins, used to say "You can't teach an infidel." I think that's about right.

These posts, conversations, etc., between OIN and his wife this week are exactly the same as they were a month and a half ago. They are STUCK, dead STUCK.

I don't think any amount of "educating" is going to change that, as "correct" as the curriculum may very well be.

Puppy

[Allen A]

You may be right, I am just thinking that OM may have finally sent an END THIS message and she may gradually open up...

It's pretty clear OM has been leading OIN's WS on for the last several months... in THAT time block yes she wont' learn much...

But I am thinking IF there is a clear END to the AFFAIR in her head now that in a few weeks she may warm up a little... she did buy OIN a bike for them to go riding after all... That's not something she would have done several months ago...

[OfficerInNeed]

Yesterday...

W had agreed to do something but was undecided what. While W was getting ready to go she asked me if I had switched my health insurance yet.

During this time (time we got up till we left) W would giving me her typical responses in sounds.

I had to take something out our shed and put it on the back of the truck. W offered to help, I turned down her offer and said "thank you." W was still wearing her sling from the bike fall.

We headed out not knowing where...I asked W if she wanted to go up to the falls (Niagara Falls). She shrugged her shoulders and said "if you want" I then said in response "I would love to go but I want to make sure you do as well before we go all the way out there" all she said is "I won't know how I feel till we get there"

So we went there. Once we got there W wanted to go into to aquarium, so we did. We had a pretty good time. We had some good conversation.

We then walked up to the falls but then decided to cross the border (luckily they let us over with our work IDs). We went to Clifton Hill. We visited a spot we were at 7 years ago and took a pictures together on rock with a pond and garden in the background. I asked W if she wanted to take the same pic (7 years later) she said "NO."

We decided to grab something to eat. We went into the rain forest cafe, the place we ate at the very first time I took her to Clifton Hill for her B-Day when she was 18. We talked about then and now, comparing things. For the most part it was a good lunch. There was a time where she looked spaced out.

We then decided to go into a wax museum. We enjoyed, it. Taking pictures of each other with wax figures but not together. At one point W set off an alarm by reaching, we had a good laugh about that.

Then we decided to go on the giant Ferris Wheel. I am deathly afraid of heights but I overcame my fear to go on there with my W. She knows that I am and I told her that I was doing this so we could enjoy it. Once I calmed down it was great. there was an amazing few of the falls from there. While up there we seen yet another wax museum she wanted to go to, so when we got off we headed there as well.

We had a great time at the second wax museum. We each took pictures of each other and once again not together. We had fun.

We were heading back but then there was another museum she wanted to go in, so we did...we exited through a store front where we seen a stuffed dog that looks like our dog, so W wanted to purchase it. There was also an infants "onesie" that was too unique not to get, so I said "I have to get that. I'll get it now for later" (hint, hint) W did not bite.

So now we were heading back to our vehicle, it was a long walk but we made it and headed home. We first had to stop at a toy-r-us to get a kiddie pool for our dog, they were sold but we ended up getting a board game of sorts... W went home, played with the dog then fooled with the game and then fell to sleep.

There were times where my W of old surfaced and then there were times I experienced her bitterness and W would give an attitude or object to something I said but I would say it was a good day...

We'll see how today goes.

[OfficerInNeed]

W and I scanned through the pictures we took yesterday while at the Falls. We laughed pretty good at a few of them.

W and I went out today in attempted to find our dog a kiddie pool she can soak in on hot days, we had no success but while out W decided to buy a couple more board games she had interest in playing (don't know what it is with her and games but at least we have fun during those times).

On our way back home I asked W if she would like and stop for a bite to eat she said she was not hungry but suggested I stop and get something to pack for work later on. So I did.

When we got home we played the games W had purchased, had a good time.

At one point my hand was on the on couch, W moved her hand and touched mine by accident and she jumped back as if she touched a hot stove. It kills me. 10 years of intimacy and affection and now nothing...

On another note, talk to OMW today. She said things still going good, said that OM is going to talk to manager again since W still has bot been pulled aside. We'll see.

[OfficerInNeed]

W doing google searches for OMW.

[MrBond]

Patience. Let her self-destruct.

Distance yourself from her now.

[OfficerInNeed]

I try to distance myself but yet we go out and do things and have fun (well it seems like she has fun). DO I keep these things up? or stop doing stuff with her for now? Not sure....

[MrBond]

You don't need to necessarily stop going out with her, but just cut back on them a bit.

It's obvious she's still obsessed with OM and is now having fantasies of doing something to his W. She needs to let all those emotions process. The faster she can crash and burn the better.

Right now you are like her security blanket. Not someone she respects. What was it about the OM that she found attractive? Emulate some of those traits.