New to this Community seeking advice

[JR09]

I emailed W about linking up with the boys for the summer. Well, what do you know...she called back almost immediately after she read the email. I really want to spend 2 weeks with the boys. She suggested one week in JUL. But because of work, I cannot. I asked het to check for AUG to see when the boys resume school. She said she doesn't know.

I thought to myself "what is doggone so hard to pick up the doggone phone and find out...". I told her I really would like 2 weeks with the boys. I think I upset her because she said "we always do what YOU want to do". I didn't react and just asked her how she was doing. She said "I have to go, Bye".

OK. Was it wrong for me to ask for 2 weeks? It's not like I see the boys each day. I thought I needed to make a stand without being nasty or angry. Anyway, I think I was OK in my approach.

JR09

[MichelleLT]

I think 2 weeks during the summer is reasonable (most courts would have given you every other weekend plus alternating holidays, so lumping together your "every other weekend" adds up to quite a bit of time actually). And you have been pretty accommodating about scheduling.

Can you find out why she was upset? Did she have plans (or want to make some?)?

Or is it just that she hates being away from the kids that long?

[JR09]

Michelle!

I told W I wanted 2 weeks with the boys either in JUL or AUG. She said I could have them 1 week in JUL. I said I'd really love to have them for 2 weeks and asked about AUG as an alternative. W said she didn't know when the boys'school would resume in AUG, so I asked her to check on it. And if 2 weeks in AUG is feasible, then I'd go for that, if not, then I'd settle for 1 week in JUL.

I think it upset her that I insisted on 2 weeks instead of settling for one. I know one of her recurring theme is that I always do what I WANT to do and don't take her opinion into consideration...which probably explains the comment "you always do what YOU want to do"...I admit I used to be like that maybe 2 years ago. But I am not like that ANYMORE.

I stood by my 2 weeks because I thought it was not asking for too much. Anyway. I believe if there is something worth fighting for then it's the boys. Boundaries? Getting Respect for Standing one's ground? I was thinking about all this.

JR09

[MrBond]

How often do you see the kids?

[JR09]

Hi M. Bond,

I see the kids about every 3-4 months...Being active duty Army doesn't allow me too much free time...

JR

[MrBond]

So 2 weeks is definitely not an issue.

Put your parental foot down.

[JR09]

I read somewhere that when you stand your ground it can either make the W mad or respect you. Well, I probably got her mad last night, but what about the respect part? I read that when you establish boundaries, the WAS notices it and respects you more for it. Does my situation fall under that boundary/respect
dynamic?

JR

[MrBond]

Yep.

They are your kids too right? You have a right to have them half the time.

It's funny how the WAS will take the kids with them and when the LBS asks for some time with them, the WAS acts as if the LBS is somehow trying to take "their" kids away from them.

She's treating the kids like a piece of property. As if they were trading cards.

[JR09]

I understand. Sometimes I feel my W uses the boys as leverage to somehow get back at me. I hope this is not true. But the thought did cross my mind. But the boys really want to see me. S11 even wants me to be with them for 3 weeks...

I am not the person I used to be two years ago. That's all I know. The boys are always very comfortable around me each time we link up.

JR

[MrBond]

Your boys need to learn from their father. You need to bond with them and show them what a father does. You need to be the model for them.

I haven't read all your posts, but is there an OM?