"All rise"

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Heal up before you date.

Rule of thumb, until you can go out and NOT talk about a previous realtionship you aren't ready for a new one.

[smith18]

Likewise, you should not feel a need to ask a date about her previous relationship until getting to know each other for a while.

And when they do ask you about your marriage too soon, just reply with a simple canned answer that shows no bitterness.

Talk about clothes. Women love to talk about clothes. If you talk about clothes long enough, the conversation will eventually lead to talk about the removal of clothes.

[ClingingToHope]

JTB, oooh, that's a good one.

[Reincarnated]

try meetup dot com. You can get together with people who share your interests. Much better than sharing the interest of alcohol and hunting...

Your weekend sounded great. I hope that work makes the time in-between fly by.

[kml]

I think she went ballistic about the locks because, crazy as it sounds after all this, the X HATES the idea you might be with another woman. I think that's why all the emotion over the locks.

And fib, if you go online dating, I'll share with you a few observations from someone who has looked, met one good friend and dated another guy for a year:

- Please don't say "soulmate" in your profile

- Don't just put up photos taken with the automatic timer in your bathroom. Makes you look like a potentially crazy person who has no friends. Or a married guy. Include a nice face shot, a full body shot, and pics of you with friends or family. So you look like a guy who has a life.

- Don't just use pictures from 20 years ago! Guys apparently lie about their age as much as women. Use recent photos (okay to include one younger photo with some kind of note, so they can see what a hunk you were in your thirties).

- If you contact someone you think is interesting, it's ok to chat a little online to make sure they're not psycho or have a fatal incompatibility (like politics or smoking) but be careful of developing any kind of "relationship" until you've met for coffee. Someone can seem great online and then you meet them and there's NO chemistry at all. better a casual coffee date meet-and-greet right off the bat.

- Avoid long-distance relationships!!! I foolishly got involved with a guy who lives 11 hours away. Although I thought he was great, the relationship never had a chance to be "normal", and I put way too many miles on my car. Stick to local women.

Ellie

[bright_new_day]

- Please don't say "soulmate" in your profile

That one sends me running for the hills! LOL

[dl443322]

FIB, my friend, take things slow. Let your heart heal, let your head stop spinning. There is no rush.

Live your life. Enjoy your kids. Things happen when they are supposed to.

I am so glad the worst is behind you. I wish only good things from now on.

[mulesqb]

Heal up before you date.

Rule of thumb, until you can go out and NOT talk about a previous realtionship you aren't ready for a new one.

I agree somewhat with this..BUT if you end up dating somebody who is divorced, it is a topic that gets discussed..I mean you have to deal with ex spouses if the two of you have kids, so it is part of who you are..I actually felt it was healthy to get that discussion out there and over with..

I think when it comes to the whole dating thing you will make good decisions..for me the first few dates were about feeling good about myself again..I kind of new I was doing that, but I guess I needed that..honestly the first time someone was interested in getting intimate with me I ran so fast I couldn't believe it..I clearly wasn't ready, so I took some time off the dating scene..when I got past that, it was really about focusing on what I wanted in someone..when I found someone, my circle of friends were so quick to say "good for you, that will show XW"..I can honestly say it was never, ever about that for me, and never will be..for me it's about a new phase of my life and sharing that with somebody amazing..it takes time, but when you get there you know it..

Frank, I'm really glad you had such a great weekend..even more happy things are progressing..I went through the locks thing also..I was just very upfront to my XW about it..told her we had separate living arrangements and I don't have access to her place and don't want any, I would expect her to respect that I want privacy where I live..told her I checked it with my L and was encouraged to do so.it was never an issue after that..

Strength and Honor..

Mules

[figgeroni]

I have found a good rule of thumb is when you can out with someone and there is no comaprison factor (like she is so much nicer than x when blah blah blah or I like when x did blah blah blah better)

when they are a sep entity from the person you were with, when being with them doesn't automatically generate a this is better than or a this is worse than comparison

then you know you are healed enough, settled into who YOU are, able to enjoy yourself enough

in the end
you need to be good with you and who you are, not who you married or who you divorced or who you used to be or who you want to be but really just WHO YOU ARE

because otherwise the person you might be dating will be dating one of these yaywhos and not YOU..., you dig?

[hoosiermama]

I think this is some excellent insight, and very accurate in my experience.