Well, I had to leave work early so I could come home and cry like a baby.
I think it finally hit me today, after 5 months, that my marriage is over. My wife is gone and she is never coming back. I hate living in the apartment we shared for 6 years. I hate being reminded of her at all times everyday. I think I was able to decently cope with things up until now because I had a lot of hope and believed deep down that her and I would be able to work this out.
That hope is dead, and I feel f^cking awful.
I have no idea what to do now. I don't even know what I want anymore. I find myself daydreaming about us getting back together, then remembering that I can't take her back now after finding out about the other guy(s) shes been with during the separation.
I hope it's uphill from here, but judging by her response today she is very ready to divorce me and move on.
Why don't I feel the same? After how much she has betrayed me and hurt me, why can't I hate her like I want to?
