Actually, your post heading sums everything up nicely.

"I'm just scared all the time".

Stop being afraid. It's hard as hell and we've all been there. Be strong and courageous.

M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER