still separated, headed for D?

[newmama]

OK I just got back from lunch with S and my SIL. She has been going through reconciliation with her husband- they have been 'remarried' now for 6 months. And my SIL is suffering BIG time.

She was going to get engaged to a man she met after her H divorced her. She broke up with the man when her H was begging for a second chance. The man lives around the corner from them. She is NOT calling him or seeing him or anything but is very honest and says that when her H is treating her like crap and is being such a defensive, cold jerk, she sits there and thinks "I chose this life over a man who did appreciate me, find me desirable, loved being with me?" But she is optimistic that their reconciliation will improve.

She said since they remarried, they stopped going to counseling (expensive) and he stopped being affectionate with her (shame phase), and he wants her to TRUST him without telling her where he is going, who he is talking to or texting, and he works with a woman he dated after he broke up with OW (when they were divorced). He says his action of remarrying her should be enough to show he is serious. She said he will make effort at times so that gives her hope but she feels so disappointed and so discouraged yet she forces herself to hang in there and be optimistic that it will get better with time.

I asked her what helped her decide to remarry her H- why 6 months ago- what was happening in their relationship for her to feel like it was time. She said she just asked God and He told her this is what she was supposed to do. Sigh.

Well when I told her WH still hasn't brought up D discussion and that I looked into it and saw it only takes a few hours to complete it all, she said that she still believes he must be confused...that he MUST have doubts. I told her that I was going to file if he wouldn't come around and she supported me, saying that maybe when he sees that I have moved on, he will realize that he doesn't want to lose me. SHe said her H came around when he saw she was in a serious relationship with her BF.

Before the lunch date I was crying off and on in the car, trying to suppress my tears, trying hard not to be sad. But I held it together and after the lunch date, I feel satisfied...like pleased to hear someone else IRL believes my WH has doubts. And, (I hate to say this) I can see how getting divorced would make my life easier versus reconciling. (based on selfish reasons and not thinking of S) So if it comes to divorce, I can say "at least I can meet someone else and start with a clean slate...and avoid the rough road of reconsiliation."