He's Loving the Freedom of the 180 - Now What?

[newmama]

Red, first THANK YOU for explaining the details! I really appreciated learning about your H's family history.

So...everything that I do that is nasty or derogatory justifies his misbehavior in his mind. Anything I do that's nice or flirty feeds his ego and reiterates what a great guy he his is in is mind.

I CANNOT win.

But I CAN play a completely different game, one where he doesn't know the rules and can't guess them until after I've won. That's what Larry is teaching me.

Hee, hee, hee....

Hmm...so by process of elimination: you are not being cold and punitive, you are not being "the better option," therefore you must be doing something in the middle....maybe mixing it up and "walking away"...being independent, mysterious,unpredictable... drawing your H to you. (AM I CLOSE??)

Let's be clear about one thing: the addicted WH is not YOUR husband. He may look like him, talk like him, and even smell like him, but he is NOT the man you married. He's an addicted shell of the guy you said "I do" to. If you can drill that into your brain, everything else becomes MUCH easier...

Oh believe me I know this! And I do not believe he is the man I married and I don't want to be married to this man! What I am fearing is that he has permanently changed and would rather choose his "drug" over S and I. After all, addiction does permanently change your brain.