Thinker, I feel for you. I really do. Been a long road, no? In my case, it comes and goes. She is trying to control. To pulse check. To see what I am thinking. It comes and goes, and then she spends an inordinate amount of time trying to get a reaction out of me. I more often than not don't let her. My conversations with her aunt hurt. I actually defended her to some degree to her own family. How screwed up is that? In fairness, there never is a time to treat somebody poorly nor to return unkindness with unkindness. There is a time for anger and there is a time to attack or defend. I see the differences now. I know this is not the time to hurt her. I could have easily done that in the past and chose not to. My instinct tells me there is a lot more to this than just leaving me. Or just giving up. I know how painful it is Thinker. I do. With kids it's even harder. But I am at a place now where I realize that I cannot change anything but me. Her issues are her issues and I have no part in them any longer - at her brutal insistence. I tried. Too much perhaps. But it is time to move on. Nothing her but old memories and a dead marriage. Time to bury it.
It fascinates how much they want to blame us and want to be the "victim". I've seen it played out in other relationships as well. Must be part of human nature to not want the guilt I guess.
Hang in there Thinker. There is a certain amount of relief in not having the question out there of how it will end any longer. But it comes at a price. I know as much as anyone that if we could have made it past this, life would have been really good. Marriages work like that. They also require two people to work at it and to not give up.
It just is.
Take care Thinker, it will get more crazy as time goes on. Thx for stopping by. AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."