My husband is addicted to an emotional affair

[awest1217]

He didn't file if you haven't been served yet. He probably won't file unless you do. If he is anything like my H, which is sounds similar, he won't choose to do anything. He will put everything on you so you have to decide. How much are you willing to put up with? You are going to have to be the one to file because he won't unless he gets upset again and then he might, but will regret it right away. He don't have any clue what he wants and never will so now...it is up to you. What do you want?

[nicole8]

I'm not so sure that if he did file I would have been served... I signed the papers and gave them to him. I think he just has to go down to the court house and file..... I just would think he would have said something. But then again he is so random with his moods and stuff... I do sort of think he had me sign to appease the ow and prove to her somehow that he is serious. This is all what my impression is though.

He did try to text me again twice last night and I just ignored him, if you ask someone to sign d papers why would you expect them to respond to your every text? Really he is NOT the most important person to me anymore.... We'll see what happens.

[TimeHeals]

I am at a loss on what to do...

Live your life and be happy. Walk your dog. Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer, says the heiarchy of how you show your dog love is:

1. Feeding your dog.
2. Walking your dog.
3. Petting your dog.

[TimeHeals]

if you ask someone to sign d papers why would you expect them to respond to your every text?

I don't know what he expects. He's trying to find something out, but who knows what, and who knows why? Only he knows (if he even knows).

[nicole8]

I do think my h has no clue what he wants.... Or what will make him happy!

It will be very interesting to see if he actually follows through and files the papers. He has had them over a week now. I wonder if he will file and then regret it and tell me some bs like "I thought you wanted this". I'm really tired of his lame ass communicating through text message only! Such a poor way to communicate but it seems to be the only thing he is capable of.

[TimeHeals]

I'm really tired of his lame ass communicating through text message only! Such a poor way to communicate but it seems to be the only thing he is capable of.

I'm on the e-mail only plan. I got tired of that too and asked for a break from it.

[rr22]

Yes. The touching base chit chat gets maddening.


I think you are correct. After he files (if he files), he will keep contacting you.

Then, if you allow it, his depressed rumination will focus on whether of not you should have D'd and blaming it in some way on you.


You and your R has become the "reason" for his depression.

How could he give that up, even post-divorce?


You're going to have to take it away from him and make him do it alone or point the obsessive unhappiness elsewhere.


After you D, he has gotten what will bring him "happiness" and it's not your job to babysit the fact that it won't.


He's free to get his a@@ to the dr. or therapist EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK.

[rr22]

Some people on this board in other sitches are going to Al Anon meetings to learn how to detach from people who are acting crazy and won't get help for their problems, whatever their problems are.

They say it can be helpful even if H is not alcholic. There's also National Alliance for Mentally Ill have some meetings.



You can't make a depressed and flailing H stop flailing. But you
can not let him do it on your sofa.

[nicole8]

I don't really think going to a meeting is going to do or help anything. My h has left our home and is convinced that I don't want to be married to him because he is a loser, unsuccessful, can't provide along with a whole lot of other negative things he has come up with.

He is trying to distance himself from me and our m....yet I don't think he has filed the papers yet because he is still focused on dating the ow.... Yes, I think the ow is still a huge factor in why he all of a sudden left again.

[TimeHeals]

My h has left our home and is convinced that I don't want to be married to him because he is a loser, unsuccessful, can't provide along with a whole lot of other negative things he has come up with.

Those are all excuses of some sort. The real problem, I bet, is OW or he would have at least tried. In heated arguments, if you ever called him any of those things or he felt you were trying to say those things, he may just be tossing them back at you out of resentment.

The important thing is not to figure him out, however. The important thing is that you are becoming better and stronger yourself.