IDU - Maybe you should not have brought it up, but you felt you had no time to do otherwise. Sometimes, you have to do what you think is right because time and circumstances prevent you from doing everything the way you would like too.
It may not be a mistake. Only time will tell. Hopefully, she will see that it was the time, and you were not pressuring her.
Do not be hard on yourself about this because you are making decisions for the right reasons.
Just wait and see what she says if it is a good decision. Stepping back and giving her some time now is the right thing to do.
You have really made progress.
Continue to be strong and not worry about mistakes because there is not always one course of action to save a M. This mistake as you see it now could be what saves your M.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
Hi, Sandi. It's been a while. I am trying my best, I really am.
Nice three day weekend. The twins had a sleepover at a friends house yesterday and last night. They had a blast.
I went fishing yesterday evening. W txt me about a half hour after I got there:
the kids want to go eat. r u coming or what?
me- or what i guess
what? what-r u coming home or not?
me- I did not know u were going to eat or i would not have went fishing. go ahead and go. thanks for asking.
She had to work today. I have the kids at my sister's for a bbq. We are all having fun. She said she was going to visit her grandma who isn't feeling well and is just old. She says the kids make her nervous.
Here I go mind reading again, but grandma lives about 10 min from the super. Can't think about that.
I will give her space, and wait until Thurs. for our MC session.
M: 39 W: 39 Kids (3): S10; S8; D4 Married 14 years Togethor: 18 years Wife's Weird Behavior Started: 2nd Half of 2009 Bomb Dropped (about being "so done"): 2/17/10 Current Status: In counseling
Did a little bit of snooping last night when W was asleep. Looked at cell phone calls and messages. Several txt to and from OM. Again, nothing incriminating. School business she would say. Also, several to and from one of her sisters. Sister heard that so and so was getting D, H said he didn't love W anymore-the end. Didn't realize how common it was. W said, yeah, I guess it is pretty common. Failed to mention that other couple didn't have kids, both are financially well off and husband had multiple affairs.
Then, sister asks about MC. Says good luck. W mentions that when I come home, I play with the kids or cut grass or stay busy, I don't talk to her much. No $h!t! I refuse to be rejected and ignored, that's all. I am as friendly as I can be.
Maybe I am making more progress than I realize. Trying not to get my hopes up. The fact that she is still in contact with super helps keep me focused.
Just have to wait and see. First MC session should be interesting. I have never been and don't know what to expect. If anyone has any insight, I would appreciate it. How will I or the counselor be able to tell if she is there to save the M or save face? Will it be obvious? Or should I just go and let things happen?
I remain hopeful. I can't help it.
I don't love the person my W is right now and am really okay if she decides to go. I am ready to move on, one way or the other.
Don't lose your focus whatever you do. It is good that you did find some information on continued communication between W and OM.
However, I still think that you should give MC an honest try. Do not look for alterior motives from W. Do watch for indications that the MC is focused on the relationship and not just one person. My MC was not interested in helping us D but helping to keep the M intact. He did focus on us together. We also had a woman counselor there too. Also he had her sign a contract to work on the M. It did not work out for us, but keep your "hopes up" for you and your family.
It is not always obvious with the MC if the spouse is genuine or not in saving the M, but there will be signs I am sure here and there. Just let things happen at first, but keep in your mind for anything that does not feel right. Your judgement will guide you.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
Hey IDU. Just wanted to wish you good luck with the MC on Thursday. I think the best thing to do is just listen to your W. Really listen to the things she says. This will give you some idea of where she is right now. I think the first MC session should just be a lot of listening on your end. Hopefully your W will agree to more MC and you can get into deeper conversations. Just my 2 cents. I'll be thinking of you Thursday.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
Thanks for the encouragement, LSG. I know you're going through a lot yourself.
Quote:
However, I still think that you should give MC an honest try. Do not look for ulterior motives from W. Do watch for indications that the MC is focused on the relationship and not just one person. My MC was not interested in helping us D but helping to keep the M intact. He did focus on us together. We also had a woman counselor there too. Also he had her sign a contract to work on the M. It did not work out for us, but keep your "hopes up" for you and your family.
I will give MC an honest try. They are pro-marriage and don't accept D as an option. Just have to constantly remind myself to be patient. I hope it will at least get her to open up and be honest with me. Communication is probably our biggest downfall. The same can be said about a lot of the sitch's here. It seems like it should be a relatively easy fix. I know better.
If she's not willing to at least try, I am ready to walk away.
Hey IDU. Just wanted to wish you good luck with the MC on Thursday. I think the best thing to do is just listen to your W. Really listen to the things she says. This will give you some idea of where she is right now. I think the first MC session should just be a lot of listening on your end. Hopefully your W will agree to more MC and you can get into deeper conversations. Just my 2 cents. I'll be thinking of you Thursday.
Thank, mza8. I could use a little luck.
My hope is that she opens up and that will allow us to work on things together. I know I have made my share of mistakes, it's never just one person. If she will honestly communicate with me and we can talk, that would be a big step. It's a big step that she agree to go, if it's for the right reasons. I just have to take it as it is and be patient for a while longer.
Hope for the best and expect the worst. I have to make it hope for the best and expect the best!
