I think the house and moving forward with some sort of legal plan is the only thing you can do at this point to show her you are not around.
Most importantly you really need to start detaching and stop thinking of her all the time. You said yourself you were down all weekend thinking of her and you don't want to go out because of all the couples you see.
Until you internally start to detach not much will change even if the logistics of your life change (keeping the house, getting separated or divorced).
I would call your W and tell her instead of e-mailing.
Obviously I can't read your W's mind but what I meant was she knows you are around and wanting the M to work so she really can do what she likes (ex: not talking to you, ignoring you without any consequences when it comes to not doing her share). The person who cares least about the R controls it.
You stated the house is worth very little due to past financial problems. She is living in a very strange fantasy if she is waiting around for the house to sell so she can get a big fat check and go about her life.
It is odd to me that a 36yo would be living with her parents. That tells me that when the house sells she may move forward as that is the last thing to wrap up.
IMO you need to look at facts. She can't seem to communicate with you about house stuff or contribute to the upkeep (IOW she knows you will do it and she will have no consequences), she had a very strong reaction to the flowers, is using her maiden name and so on.
In the future if she wants to talk, well, you can decide then but it seems to me sitting around and taking the "wait and see" approach isn't what is best.
