Allen- I don't need you to acknowledge my feelings or even understand them, but I'm going to keep telling them because they are important. Perhaps we will help each other.
You said to write down specifically what I need from my partner. I did. What about what I came up with?
1. Find one interest that makes you happy and do it at least once a week. Share your thoughts and feelings about this interest with me.
2. Find some guy friends that you have fun with, and do something with one or more of them at least once a week. Share your "good times" and thoughts after spending time with them, with me.
3. Tell me good thoughts and bad thoughts as you have them.
4. Tell me when you are angry and why.
5. Be upbeat and make plans on your own of what you want to do.
Those things would move me toward that feeling I need to have toward him.....give me something to be attracted to...I thought they were specific....are they not?
I'm way over trying to get some sweeping romance. I just want to desire him, to be attracted to him, to want to be around him, I want more than a roommate.
I'm around enough married people to know that they desire each other. I see it in the flirting, the touching, the innuendos about sex later that night.....nothing happens like that with my H and I. Never has.
Again, look at my list and let me know where I need to be more specific.
The flower thing was ONE example. It was an easy thing to do, something he knew to do, and he purposefully did not do it. I will talk more to him about it, and we'll see what happens the next Valentine's Day...but I would almost bet money it will be the same thing. I almost will have to badger him and remind him every day for a week prior to make sure it happens...and then,......after all that......it's not the same, is it?
Ok, maybe we haven't tried everything. That's what I was hoping I would hear from people on here. I need that support and advice. Because when I tell you how I feel and tell you that it FEELS like I have tried everything, I truly believe that.
My husband not only doesn't know how to be romantic, he doesn't know how to show himself to anyone....he doesn't open up, doesn't have a personality, would say so much himself.....he doesn't know who he is!
No, he doesn't think this is funny. He called a therapist because he knows he needs help, we need help.......
Ok, the manual. Again, I made a list that I thought was good...tell me what I need to do to make it better.
M 39 H 39 1 son, 7
Multiple affairs before/during/and after separation, came clean, went to Retrouvaille, forgave each other, Piecing for over a year, same problems exist, back to counseling
