Spouse Suffering From Depression

[Lucky11too]

What a lousy day yesterday. Go back to Sunday for a minute though. H was extremely upset b/c his family changed their memorial day bbq from Monday to Sunday. He already had Monday off and was excited to go, but could not go on Sunday b/c he had to work a double shift. Yeah, I know that sucks, but he was being such a drama king about it and was saying basically he had to go drink away his sorrows. I tried to talk him down and just be supportive, but he's just such an emotional mess right now. (this should have been my clue to trouble). So back to Monday. He's still pretty tired and grouchy but comes over to see S and I. He drops by to drop off a battery I asked him to get for me, but then left to go across the street to his uncle's house for a bit (they had some friends over). Ok, so hi and bye. He comes back awhile later with a big bag of meat to bbq. There was a lot of meat there, so I asked him if that was enough for my parents to have to (they were out shopping right then). He said yes and that they could have it when they get back b/c he was hungry and wanted to eat now. This is where the huge misunderstanding comes up and causes a huge disaster. I thought it would be good then to see where my parents where at incase they wanted to eat with us now, so I them a call and they are almost home. I get off the phone and H basically freaks out on me saying how he just wanted to have dinner with me, not my parents. I felt horrible b/c I messed his plans up but I can't read his mind. He started sulking and then my parents got home and I started dinner. Just before the food is ready, he says how he's leaving right now, he's not hungry anymore, and how this just brings up too many bad memories. I almost reverted back to my old ways to start begging him to stay. I asked him once and when he said no, I regained my self composure and just ok. It was awful. Speaking of bringing up old memories, it was just like old times, watching him drive away while I sit there holding S with tears in my eyes after I've asked him not to leave. That was the scenario all the time before I moved out and it feels like yesterday again. It just makes me so angry. That's not how you deal with situations. You don't just walk away b/c you don't want to deal with it. You think he would have learned that by now. After he left, he sends me a text about our lack of communication reminds him how our M was always doomed. I apologized for my misunderstanding, but he just comes back with how he's tired of all the sorrys, and shoulda, woulda, couldas. I validated his feelings but tried to keep in positive by saying communication was something I looked forward to working on with him in counseling. I didn't get a response to that. It's frustrating, b/c yeah, I messed up, but 1) it's not a big deal, get over it, 2) we're all allowed to make mistakes 3) it was an honest misunderstanding. I'm not a mind reader!

I felt pretty bad the rest of the evening, and was trying to fight back tears. I talked to my mom about it and she just reminded me not to take it personally b/c he's just really stressed out right now and scared about the surgery and basically just an emotional wreck. I think it was watching him leave that killed me the most though b/c of all the awful memories it brought back. After talking to my mom, I felt a lot better and stronger again. Still sad that it all went down that way, but I'm in control of my emotions again.

Finally, last night, H texts me one last time, saying how he should feel pisst off, but he just feels defeated. I just gave him a cheerleader response back, basically saying how I understand he's going thru a lot right now, but he's doing good by taking steps like the surgery etc and just reminded him that I was there for him. No response back, but at least I got to say my peace.

So anyways, frustrating weekend. Tomorrow is the surgery now, so we'll see how this all affects that. He is supposed to let me know today what time we need to be at the hospital tomorrow, so we'll just see what happens with all this. Unfortuantely for him, whether he feels like it or not, he needs me at this point to help him get thru this. He better not continue to be burning this bridge!