The advice I am giving you here is right out of MWD's marriage therapy DVD... She takes men and women with your challenge - no romance, etc and one of the first things she prompts them all to do is to WRITE DOWN what they NEED specifically from their partner...
If you haven't done that yet then you can't hold it against him if he doens't know...
I dunno, I am getting the sense that you are looking for some sweeping romance here, and marriage isn't like that.. It's just not... It can be fun and rewarding, but... You want romantic feelings like you have when a couple often first meet?
That doens't happen... that's replaced with love, respect, and cooperation... I am thinking it isn't your husband you don't like but marriage.
I only have like 2% of the story so far, so bear with me... I can't offer an accurate analysis having explored this only 2%... But the fact that you don't have a detailed list of actions you envision a husband performing to meet you needs was a big red light to me... And when prompted, the list was vague, which suggests there's a miscommunication between you and your husband...
OK, he doesnt' want to buy flowers becuase he's frugal?
Assuming he isn't wasting $$ on himself regularly, lets take the frugality as a plus - he's investing in his family and home rather than galavanting... That's GOOD...
How about planting flowers? Sketch some with pencil and paper? Give him some ideas that don't cost a lot of cash then...
If he tells you how he feels about the flowers tell him he's being selfish... And that on valentines day its his opportunity to show he cares about how YOU FEEL...
Try any of that, if he argues with it... Even about planting some roses in a garden... Good god, its only a few dollars, THEN complain all you want, he's as you said just being passive aggressive... maybe he resents the infidelity still and is subconciously playing games to make you feel bad? People often do this to process hurt while claiming they forgive you... It's nasty stuff but it happens.
I just remember reading you saying tried everything and sorry but if you don't have a MWD list of actions he can do to meet your needs.. if you don't even have a list then you hav'ent tried everything...
The idea here my dear is that your husband may just not know how to be romantic... He may nto have been trained for that... neither was I...
i needed practicie... but I had to teach myself since my wife was out having sex with another man... Fun eh? Well, your H is under the gun too... He is likley intimidated that if he says the wrong thing or does the wrong thing, or FAILS to say the right thing or fails to do the right thing he's going to lose your respect... so he's paralyzed with fear? Again another possibility...
Yes, maybe he just thinks this is all funny and doens't care... But he did call a therapist... That says something... He likley doen'st have much if any practice expressing commitment
