You are not that much off time wise from my sitch. My H's affair started in April 09 and I found out about it in September 09.
If the OW is "tightening the rope" that may be a good thing...not healthy for the relationship if she is trying to control him so much and making him choose between her and his kids. If that's the case he will figure it out eventually.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
