>I don't always put myself forwards for things for fear of the risk of failure.
The book "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It" talks about this and how women react to it and how it affects R.
>I keep seeing them as laden with 'hidden meanings'
I've been advised not to "assume". What it is is what it is, there is no need to make it more complicating.
>It's something I'm trying to work on - something I badly WANT to work on... but I get the feeling that it's all a bit 'too little too late'. She's already left.
We are not bettering ourselves for our S, we are doing it for ourselves and if the result has S coming back, great but even if not it'll be good as we will gain more skill at building better R with another.
>how can I show her that I understand, and that I'm trying to deal with this?
The only way is by putting it into action, which is to communicate in positive and upbeat manner.
>I want to email her and tell her all of these things, and try to address the fears she's got about being with me
This is just "words" and she won't be convinced. It hasn't worked before has it?
The point is this (I'll quote from another forum) It is often a matter of trial and error, becoming a solution detective, and figuring out what works "If what you're doing is working, then keep doing it. If what you're doing is not working, then do something different." Experiment and monitor the results.
I was told that I have to start from being "friends". For me it's much easier to know how to respond if I treat him as a friend... I never ask my friends 'what kind of a friend are you to me?' !! So basically it's back to where "we" started... or even before that point. Whether he wants to date me again, I don't know. But it doesn't mean I'm hanging around waiting for him, life is too good for that.
