Is this piecing?

[flowmom]

I think you're sensitive because he *is* offensive. And I call bullsh!t on him not realizing it's a problem. He damn well knows when he comes across as an insensitive, rude, know it all but gets off on playing the "What? Me? What did I do/say?" card because it lets him, yet again, point out that you're stupid/clueless/over emotional/etc. or whatever the insult du jour is. Seriously.

I totally agree with you Freckle. My guess is that my H probably started to hate the man that he became in our M. Of course it was all my fault, but still.

LauraOh, it wasn't my experience that my shifting changed H's behaviour. Long before the separation I made some progress in detaching and became much less reactive around H. In some ways that seemed to almost make things worse. Someone who wants conflict (even while claiming to avoid conflict) will create that kind of drama even if you don't feed the fire IME.