2 weeks left to DB

[newmama]

Today I felt a bit low. Reality is hitting that I am doing this alone. Have not much of an adult life right now- back at my mums, being cooked for a looked after. I am very grateful for this. But I miss my couple life- dinner parties, friends, my own home, holidays, weekends away. Who do I do this with now? How will this new life compare? Hmm... strange days.

Piano, no sugar coating here-- even if you were happily married, no "adult life" would be in sight for at least 3-6 more months. I don't know any different, but since WH was seeing S so often, I was able to take one night per week and do something, starting at 2 months of age. I kept in denial, though, refusing to think of myself as a single mom and believing WH would be back. In hindsight instead of NOT telling people we were separated, I should have said we were. That would pave the way easier for explaining we D'd. Hopefully I won't have to! So, for you, DO try to get out when she is a bit older. It does feel surreal to be out alone and back to feeling like the YOU before your D!

Well, I am wondering what I do with tomorrow's visit from WH. He's coming in the afternoon for 2 hrs. I really want to show a sexy new me, love and joy so he knows what he is missing out on, but conversely want to not be here to show him that I am not Bo Peep and I don't approve, to the point where I take myself off to another room when he is here (and leave him with my mother). I could also cancel his app., to not be so accomodating (which I really have been so far).

OK I can't help but share some opinions here! BUt they are just my opinions.
1)NO OFFENSE but how can you show a SEXY you when you have a week old newborn? Even if you tried your darndest, in your H's eyes, you are the exalted MOTHER! It is better! (for now--obviously not good in the future)

I learned that men really do have that instinct where they admire us for being good moms to THEIR babies! So just by you being your sweet, nurturing momma self, it will cause your H to feel love for you! I swear! Now the problem is if you stayed momma-like for months and months. But for this first month, relax and show your maternal instincts! (think about it-isn't it kind of a turn on to see our Hs love our babies and act like dads to them? the same for us in their eyes!)

I DO assert that as soon as you can, look your best but do it for YOU. I swear it will reduce the risks of post partum depression! Plus, you didn't gain a bunch of weight so you probably are looking like yourself pre-pregnancy right?

Am thinking that having him over but making myself scare would be best option for now. Why? To give him the opp to bond with bub & hopefully stop him from wanting to leave her, but to let him know I have Walked Away myself.

Yes, I agree--except if you could be there for several minutes in the beginning so he can see you take care of her, and love her as you hand her off to him. And then when you return to her, he will get to see the same!

The other tactic would be to limit his visits so he gets frustrated and feels her absence more keenly.

YES-- if you can swing this. Legally, you told us 1-2 hours per week, twice a week, right? I did as you are doing which is let WH come over as often as he wanted.

Now, on one hand, I see frequent visits as helpful for your WH who was on the brink of being a run-away-dad due to insecurity, right?

BUT the one card I never played in my sitch was sticking to the parenting plan and limiting WH's visits. I will never know now if that could have made a difference.Gosh at the time I kept thinking that it was sooo selfish of me to use S as a pawn, and I had to put my desires and hopes for R aside and allow WH to see S. BUT NOW I look back and see that 1) WH was the one who chose to LEAVE me and the idea of a family so 2)WH made his own bed--if he wanted to S as much as he wanted, he should have R'd with me. NATURAL consequences! ) I hate hindsight!