Visiting is definately not parenting. Parenting is what me and my mother are doing. WH is a like just another relative dropping in for a cuddle. Except he wants to assert his name as the FATHER. He cannot parent a newborn unless he lives with us.

Our separation is not recorded with the State. Here, you are legally seperated the minute you decide to be and declare it to people or agencies. But the government doesn't know until you lodge separate tax returns or ask for single parent beenefits and the like. One year from the date you say say you were seperated, you can file for divorce.

The courts would say reasonable visitation hours with a newborn would be 1-2hrs twice per week. Dependent on how me and the bub are doing. If we are tired/sick, then less would still be considered appropriate.

Today I felt a bit low. Reality is hitting that I am doing this alone. Have not much of an adult life right now- back at my mums, being cooked for a looked after. I am very grateful for this. But I miss my couple life- dinner parties, friends, my own home, holidays, weekends away. Who do I do this with now? How will this new life compare? Hmm... strange days.

Also it is the start of the ski season in 12 days. This time of year we'd be heading to the snow, and she would have her first winter in the mountains. Her dad is a great skier & ski trips were a big part of our life. Makes me very sad we wont be doing this together.

What else?

Well, I am wondering what I do with tomorrow's visit from WH. He's coming in the afternoon for 2 hrs. I really want to show a sexy new me, love and joy so he knows what he is missing out on, but conversely want to not be here to show him that I am not Bo Peep and I don't approve, to the point where I take myself off to another room when he is here (and leave him with my mother). I could also cancel his app., to not be so accomodating (which I really have been so far).

Am thinking that having him over but making myself scare would be best option for now. Why? To give him the opp to bond with bub & hopefully stop him from wanting to leave her, but to let him know I have Walked Away myself.

The other tactic would be to limit his visits so he gets frustrated and feels her absence more keenly.