It is so good to hear from you guys!! What a long, strange trip it's been, huh?
Long weekend on my own - spent the day yesterday with friends at the Bronx Zoo - great pics of all the animals. Many babies, families, all really active (hey, animals and people, both!)
Today was a little...weird. What would have been my anniversary. Met this date in 1986, married this date in 1992. It really was a sacred day to me for a very long time. My father died of a sudden heart attack on May 30th, 1994. So many memories and stories, happy and sad....moments I treasured with these people who are now gone. My college friend was going out to Calverton to visit, anyway, so she laid flowers for my parents for me. The 2-year mark for the divorce is coming up in mid-June.
I had to go to his house to pick up the kids, saw his silhouette through the curtains. Kids seemed to have a nice home-body weekend, swimming in the pool, a bonfire. Their uncle (x's brother) and his wife and baby came to visit them on Saturday. The baby who I never met. (They took down a tree, but demolished a chunk of x's truck in the process - I have come to see how the man who I thought could do anything, often makes a mess of things).
The thing that got to me, though, was that they didn't stop by to see his parents, right here in town. I don't understand it at all.....and I feel so badly for my ex-in-laws. I finally wrote this to MIL (so as not to make her uncomfortable talking face-to-face - apparently that is something very difficult for them all to do in their family).
Quote:
Dear Mom,
I was thinking about the sibs thing...
In that long talk that I had with Chuck a few weeks ago, he said they resent when they feel "forced" to visit me when they come to see you. Geoff and Denise had been up here to help Chuck with a tree or something - they had brought the baby.
Please, let me be dead to them. It seems to be what they want, where they are comfortable. I am carrying guilt over getting between you and your children, your other grandchildren. I don't understand it, but I don't want to be the cause of this. Tell them that they should feel safe coming to see you, that they are not expected to see me; not by you or me - and I say this with no animosity or anger. A good piece of wisdom that I have picked up is that what other people think of you is none of your business. It's ok, really. I've gotten this "letting go" thing down pat at this point
I hope you talk with them - break the silence. The divorce will be two years ago this month. I just want for you and Dad to be happy...I don't want to get in the way of that. You do what you need to do.
I have assured them that the kids and I are ok....that they shouldn't feel obligated to me, to us, if they wanted to go. I won't keep saying that, because I don't want them to feel unwelcome here, either. They both want to stay here, that this is their home. But what a terrible price. It just makes me sad for them. Something else that I can't fix, another casualty of divorce and my x's choices. I've put it out there, so now I have to let it go.
